The Milwaukee Bucks unveiled a new primary logo on Monday. Here it is:
The new Buck is only looking ahead, an imposing figure determined and focused on the path in front of him. pic.twitter.com/sF6e3WE6AG— Milwaukee Bucks (@Bucks) April 14, 2015
They say "imposing" and "focused." I say "cold" and "lacking any apparent basketball skill." The Milwaukee Buck wasn't always like this. Back in the day, he was a sweetheart -- a gentle soul who could spin a ball on his hoof:
I miss that face. I miss the sweater. I used to think the Buck was licking the ball or hanging a righteous booger, but that's just the ball spinning. He totally would have licked a basketball, though, because he was a fun deer who loved life. Now he's dead inside.
Speaking of dead inside, this fuzzy post presence ...
... is now a sterile blue face, the very countenance of disillusionment:
He no longer loves the game. He no longer loves anything. He probably doesn't even slap himself in the dick anymore.
Remember the original Charlotte Hornet?
The Hornet used to have a sick handle, and he was so charming with his cartoonish snarl. We all knew he meant well. Now he's a featureless robowasp with dubious intentions:
Remember when Hornets wore gloves and sneakers and didn't just buzz around terrifying people, their bare turquoise abdomens pregnant with basketballs? All these mascots nowadays are nude. It's unseemly. The Atlanta Hawk used to wear a full outfit, and he used to lead the fast break with his ball-handling skills:
Now he's buck naked and scornful and ... I'm pretty sure flying with the ball in both talons is traveling:
Or look at the way NBA canines have changed over the years.
Awwww, nice doggy:
Maybe asthmatic, but very sweet. The kind of dog you'd bring home to your family.
The '90s NBA dog was a bit more serious:
And now the NBA's only dog representative is a shadowy hellbeast:
At least we still have the Toronto Raptor, a relic of a better time:
Still clothed and ballin' like he always was, and he got out of that phase where he sometimes had weird rough sex with the basketball:
NBA animals used to be wholesome. They had charisma, and they could hoop. This generation's animals lack the soul of their ancestors, and they lack the game, too.
SB Nation video archives: Pierre the Pelican and the creepiest mascots in sports (2014)