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The NBA has been overrun with mean, naked animals who don't play basketball

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The Milwaukee Bucks unveiled a new primary logo on Monday. Here it is:

They say "imposing" and "focused." I say "cold" and "lacking any apparent basketball skill." The Milwaukee Buck wasn't always like this. Back in the day, he was a sweetheart -- a gentle soul who could spin a ball on his hoof:

buck1

I miss that face. I miss the sweater. I used to think the Buck was licking the ball or hanging a righteous booger, but that's just the ball spinning. He totally would have licked a basketball, though, because he was a fun deer who loved life. Now he's dead inside.

Speaking of dead inside, this fuzzy post presence ...

grizz1

... is now a sterile blue face, the very countenance of disillusionment:

grizz2

He no longer loves the game. He no longer loves anything. He probably doesn't even slap himself in the dick anymore.

Remember the original Charlotte Hornet?

hornet1

The Hornet used to have a sick handle, and he was so charming with his cartoonish snarl. We all knew he meant well. Now he's a featureless robowasp with dubious intentions:

hornet2

Remember when Hornets wore gloves and sneakers and didn't just buzz around terrifying people, their bare turquoise abdomens pregnant with basketballs? All these mascots nowadays are nude. It's unseemly. The Atlanta Hawk used to wear a full outfit, and he used to lead the fast break with his ball-handling skills:

hawk

Now he's buck naked and scornful and ... I'm pretty sure flying with the ball in both talons is traveling:

hawks

Or look at the way NBA canines have changed over the years.

Awwww, nice doggy:

dog1

Maybe asthmatic, but very sweet. The kind of dog you'd bring home to your family.

The '90s NBA dog was a bit more serious:

dog2

And now the NBA's only dog representative is a shadowy hellbeast:

dog3

At least we still have the Toronto Raptor, a relic of a better time:

raptors

Still clothed and ballin' like he always was, and he got out of that phase where he sometimes had weird rough sex with the basketball:

raptorsex

NBA animals used to be wholesome. They had charisma, and they could hoop. This generation's animals lack the soul of their ancestors, and they lack the game, too.

(All logos via the indispensable SportsLogos.net)

SB Nation video archives: Pierre the Pelican and the creepiest mascots in sports (2014)