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Adrian Peterson's birthday party had lemurs, stripper poles and Ruth's Chris port-a-potties

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Adrian Peterson's "Arabian Nights" themed birthday party was ... something else. He rode a camel into the event, his birthday cake was a giant palace and there was a huge ice sculpture. In an ESPN piece about Peterson's year off from football (which also addresses more serious topics, like his traumatic upbringing), Eli Saslow describes his wild birthday party earlier this year.

"They found a lemur available for rent and a python that would drape like a scarf over Peterson's shoulders."

Lemurs are not from the Middle East. Not even close. They're from Madagascar. I know this because I've seen Madagascar.

"In the final hours before the party, more than 100 workers rushed to set up stripper poles, a hookah bar and a cigar humidor in a tent called the Man Cave."

Was this a late-addition to the plans? Did Peterson walk in and say "This is just like I wanted, but where are all the stripper poles?" That doesn't seem like a last-second thing. One would think these would be set up super early.

"Even the port-a-potties were over the top, with silver sinks and shiny floors," says Bobby Maze, one of Peterson's closest friends. "You would have thought you were going to the bathroom at Ruth's Chris."

To be fair: Most port-a-potties have shiny floors at some point. There's spillage and -- okay, sorry. Anyway, the floors are whatever. Silver sinks though? Dang.

"Another parade formed in front of him to lead the way: first the fire-breathers, then the sword swallowers, then the snake charmers and the belly dancers and then finally a camel, rented for the night from an Austin zoo."

Hold up. You can just rent animals from the zoo? Like, this is an actual thing people can do? Every weekend the line at P.F. Changs is like 2 hours long. For the sake of my time and sanity I'd GLADLY rent a lion to clear the place out so I can get some lettuce wraps.

"Peterson stood up on the camel's back to look down at them"

camel

No answer.

"The crowd rushed toward him. The camel's handler worked to calm its nerves."

Poor camel. Side note: "Camel handler" sounds like either the coolest job to put on your tax return, or the world's most aggressive chain smoker.

"Sometimes the best way to move on is to basically just try to forget the bad stuff, enjoy yourself and pretend like nothing much really happened," says Joe Davis, Peterson's cousin.

And that Peterson did. In a very, very weird party.

★★★

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