Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 is coming out! Since we've all spent countless hours playing the original Tony Hawk games (and we can all agree that only the numbered installments -- AKA the ones that were released for the PlayStation One -- are the only ones that really count), it's time to rank every single song from those first four games.
These rankings were made by listening to every song in the year 2015 and rating them on two criteria:
1. How objectively good the song actually is
2. How much the song makes you want to hold down X in preparation of releasing it to ollie (and/or how much the song would enhance your enjoyment of pulling off a completely sick Christ Air with Rune Glifberg)
Songs are listed with artist name first. The Tony Hawk game on which the track appeared is listed in parentheses.
81. Mad Capsule Markets - Pulse (3)
80. JFA - Beach Blanket Bongout (4)
79. Zeke - Death Alley (4)
78. The Offspring - Blackball (4)
77. Lunchbox Avenue - Standing Still (4)
76. Fu Manchu - Evil Eye (2)
75. Speedealer - Screamer/Nothing to Me (1)
74. Zebrahead - Check (3)
73. U.S. Bombs - Yer Country (4)
72. Even Rude - Vilified (1)
71. The Ernies - Here and Now (1)
70. Alien Ant Farm - Wish (3)
69. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Fight Like A Brave (3)
68. The Faction - Skate and Destroy (4)
67. Unsane - Committed (1)
66. The Vandals - Euro-Barge (1)
65. Muskabeatz feat. Grandmaster Melle Mel - I'm a Star (4)
64. Alley Life feat. Black Planet - Out with the Old (2)
63. Powerman 5000 - When Worlds Collide (2)
62. Papa Roach - Blood Brothers (2)
61. Lunchbox Avenue - Everything and Anything (4)
60. Nebula - Giant (4)
59. System of a Down - Shimmy (4)
58. House of Pain - I'm a Swing It (3)
57. Muskabeatz feat. Biz Markie - Bodyrock (4)
56. Muskabeatz feat. Jeru the Damaja - Verses of Doom (4)
55. Eyedea & Abilities - Big Shots (4)
54. CKY - 96 Quite Bitter Beings (3)
53. Rocket from the Crypt - Savoir Faire (4)
52. Styles of Beyond - Subculture (2)
51. Goldfinger - Spokesman (4)
50. Hot Water Music - Freightliner (4)
49. Toy Dolls - Dig that Groove Baby (4)
48. Suicidal Tendencies - Cyco Vision (1)
47. Consumed - Heavy Metal Winner (2)
46. Primus - Jerry Was a Race Car Driver (1)
45. Reverend Horton Heat - I Can't Surf (3)
44. The Cult - Bad Fun (4)
43. Rollins Band - What's the Matter Man (3)
42. Del the Funky Homosapien - If You Must (3)
41. Haiku D'Etat - Non Compos Mentis (4)
40. Agent Orange - Bloodstains (Darkness Version) (4)
39. The Bouncing Souls - Manthem (4)
38. Delinquent Habits - House of the Rising Drum (4)
37. City Stars - Bad Dreams (4)
36. Millencolin - No Cigar (2)
35. Adolescents - Amoeba (3)
34. The Nextmen - Amongst the Madness (3)
33. Aesop Rock - Labor (4)
32. Avail - Simple Song (4)
31. Ozomatli - Cut Chemist Suite (3)
30. Gang Starr - Mass Appeal (4)
29. Bodyjar - Not the Same (3)
28. Run-DMC - My Adidas (4)
27. AC/DC - TNT (4)
26. Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK (4)
25. AFI - The Boy Who Destroyed the World (3)
24. Naughty By Nature - Pin the Tail on the Donkey (2)
23. Lootpack - Whenimondamic (4)
22. The Distillers - Seneca Falls (4)
21. $wingin' Utter$ - Five Lessons Learned (2)
20. Redman - Let's Get Dirty (3)
19. Dub Pistols - Cyclone (2)
18. KRS-One - Hush (3)
17. The High and Mighty feat. Mos Def & Mad Skillz - B-Boy Document 99 (2)
16. Less Than Jake - All My Best Friends Are Metalheads (4)
15. Flogging Molly - Drunken Lullabies (4)
14. Lagwagon - May 16 (2)
13. Public Enemy - By the Time I Get to Arizona (4)
12. Xzibit - Paparazzi (3)
11. Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast (4)
10. Dead Kennedys - Police Truck (1)
Snide and aggressive while being one of the Dead Kennedys' most accessible songs, this faux-surf middle finger to the cops is instant total immersion into the world of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, making the wipeouts more infuriating and the landings more exhilarating.
9. Rage Against the Machine - Guerrilla Radio (2)
Bombastic and loud, with just the right amount of anger-to-groove ratio. SKATE OR DIE, BRO.
8. De La Soul - Oodles of O's (4)
If De La Soul doesn't make you want to put on your baggiest carpenter pants and virtually skateboard, I don't even know what's wrong with you.
7. Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop (3)
Far from the Ramones' best song, it's still arguably their most iconic. The punk aesthetic for all intents and purposes started with the Ramones and it still goes quite well with hitting a revert into manual at the bottom of the ramp to keep that combo going.
6. N.W.A. - Express Yourself (4)
Like N.W.A. doesn't make the top 10. Even if it's positive N.W.A. over angry N.W.A. ... it's still angry enough!
5. The Suicide Machines - New Girl (1)
Strangely, there actually aren't that many ska or ska-punk songs in the original Tony Hawk series, but what few there are mesh perfectly with the game itself. The Suicide Machines' first album is an underrated, largely-forgotten gem, but I still didn't really expect "New Girl" to make the top five. It unquestionably does, though. Just listen to it. LET'S DO A SPINE TRANSFER. (YES I KNOW THOSE WEREN'T IN THE FIRST TONY HAWK.)
4. Bad Religion - You (2)
Just like with the Ramones, there are dozens of better Bad Religion songs. But for trying to nab the letters S-K-A-T-E in two minutes, it's perfect.
3. Anthrax & Public Enemy - Bring the Noise (2)
The thrash version of "Bring the Noise" may be inferior than the original in every other non-Tony Hawk situation. When the squealing guitars finally drop out completely at the beginning of the second verse, they only heighten the impact of some of the greatest Chuck D bars of all time. By the time Chuck is done spitting:
Never badder than bad cause the brother is madder than mad
At the fact that's corrupt as a senator
Soul on a roll, but you treat it like soap on a rope
Cause the beats and the lines are so dope
You feel like you can walk through fire. Or skate through it, anyway.
2. Motorhead - Ace of Spades (3)
It's "Ace of Spades." No explanation necessary.
1. Goldfinger - Superman (1)
Was there really any other choice? No other song instantly transports you back to the very first time you played Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Even if it isn't the first song you heard while playing the game, it was likely the first one you recognized, or eagerly jammed out to, or the song that was playing the first time you realized you were having a blast. There are better songs in the series, but none is this good and so wonderfully captures the aesthetic of the entire series.
Here's hoping the next installment of the Tony Hawk series brings the goods on its soundtrack and offers up more tracks like "Superman" than, say, Muskabeatz. We all deserve more "Superman" in our lives.
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Polygon presents: Hawk talks about about 'Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5'