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We need to talk about Guy Fieri's $700 Super Bowl tailgate menu

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Guy Fieri is holding a Super Bowl tailgate. Aren't you excited! No? Well, he's co-hosting with Erin Andrews and 25 random NFL players will be there. Excited yet? Still no? Alright then. Well, some people are intrigued by the idea of a Guy Fieri tailgate, so much so that they're willing to shell out $700 to go to flavortown. We have some questions about a few of the items ...

"LIVE NACHO BAR"

As opposed to your typical dead nacho bar. This is a nice touch. I'm tired of being invited to tailgates only to find out someone killed the nacho bar with a lead pipe before arriving. Then we need to fence of the scene, dust for prints, call in a salsa-splatter analyst. It's a whole thing. Having a live bar will be much better IMO.

"BEAU MAC'S KILLER RAW BAR"

Well, so much for the live nacho bar. You don't put something live next to a killer. It's just that simple. It would be like putting a bunch of turkeys in the same pen as a gator. Also, there's chowder on this raw bar. Really hoping that's not some deconstructed raw chowder that's just some clams and raw potatoes in a bowl.

"Doughnut bread pudding with Brown Butter Bacon Bourbon Glaze"

This is the most Guy Fieri-ass food on the entire menu -- hands down.

"Falafel, "chickpea" meatball, tahini sauce"

What's the deal with putting quotation marks around "chickpea"? Are these not chickpeas? If these are some sort of fake chickpeas made out of tofu then you should probably tell people. Also, why is Guy Fieri making chickpeas out of tofu for no reason? It's not like he needs to in order to get them to flavortown or something. I swear, if he starts making hummus out of tofu I will walk down to California and give him a piece of my mind.

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If you have $700 and want to go to this thing, please do. We would love to live vicariously through you as you TAKE YOUR TASTEBUDS ON THE YUMMY TRAIN AND GET DROPPED OFF AT FLAVORTOWN. POW! WATCH OUT BECAUSE THIS DONKEY SAUCE IS GOING TO TONGUE-PUNCH YOUR TASTE SPACE!

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