World's oldest & biggest wombat weighs 40 kilograms & turns 31 years old today. Happy birthday Patrick. pic.twitter.com/LPqeOlTKPb— Gautam Trivedi (@Gotham3) October 14, 2016
Have you seen this giant wombat making rounds on the internet? His name is Patrick and he is 31 years old. But, more importantly, this dude is a big boy!
Weighing at almost 90 pounds, Patrick is thought to be the world’s biggest wombat. He definitely discovered a real version of those mushrooms from Super Mario Bros and has been coasting through life ever since.
And while Patrick does look like just a big softie at first, the wombat should be feared. He looks like he’s bigger than some humans and because of that, I want to challenge the 90-pound wombat to a fight.
Imagine this wonderful gift from nature hurdling towards you. Not so cute anymore, is he?
There is one caveat in this hypothetical situation. I am challenging the 31-year old real-life Raticate to a fight, which means that Patrick needs to toughen up and accept my invitation to catch these hands before we even think about throwing down. How I would achieve this, I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine, but I won’t just fight Patrick unprovoked.
To be honest, I might be able to put up a fight, but Patrick should be the favorite going in. Although he’s a few years older than me, I am a blogger with questionable conditioning. Patrick can probably run circles around me, but I do have a reach advantage.
One thing that I am worried about are those claws. They look like a set of small butter knives. No way am I going to win against that.
I put my guard up whenever my tiny 15-pound dog scurries towards me. And if we’re at eye level, I know she’s just thinking about scratching me in the face. But as agonizing as the sensation of tiny claws haphazardly piercing me on my cheek or near me eye is, I still love her. It’s just an unfortunate price I have decided to pay to hang out with a good dog. There is no such compromise with Patrick.
If Patrick is serious about this, he should at least trim his nails. Those things should be considered a weapon like brass knuckles in wrestling. But I’ll respect Patrick if he somehow sneaks them in when we throw down in the ring or octagon.
they tote him around in a wheelbarrow pic.twitter.com/5U22XXmKwA— ScaryKateDoubleBOO (@SaraKateW) October 14, 2016
As if fighting Patrick isn’t enough, this wombat has the audacity to always have an entourage with him. I haven’t thought about that yet, so he already has me beat there.
Plus, he’s making a grand entrance in a wheelbarrow. You know what, I’ll preemptively hand the W to Patrick. You can’t spell wombat without W, anyway.