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I saw this giant wombat online and would definitely challenge it to a fight

So cute! But what if it wants to throw down?

Have you seen this giant wombat making rounds on the internet? His name is Patrick and he is 31 years old. But, more importantly, this dude is a big boy!

Weighing at almost 90 pounds, Patrick is thought to be the world’s biggest wombat. He definitely discovered a real version of those mushrooms from Super Mario Bros and has been coasting through life ever since.

And while Patrick does look like just a big softie at first, the wombat should be feared. He looks like he’s bigger than some humans and because of that, I want to challenge the 90-pound wombat to a fight.

Imagine this wonderful gift from nature hurdling towards you. Not so cute anymore, is he?

There is one caveat in this hypothetical situation. I am challenging the 31-year old real-life Raticate to a fight, which means that Patrick needs to toughen up and accept my invitation to catch these hands before we even think about throwing down. How I would achieve this, I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine, but I won’t just fight Patrick unprovoked.

To be honest, I might be able to put up a fight, but Patrick should be the favorite going in. Although he’s a few years older than me, I am a blogger with questionable conditioning. Patrick can probably run circles around me, but I do have a reach advantage.

One thing that I am worried about are those claws. They look like a set of small butter knives. No way am I going to win against that.

I put my guard up whenever my tiny 15-pound dog scurries towards me. And if we’re at eye level, I know she’s just thinking about scratching me in the face. But as agonizing as the sensation of tiny claws haphazardly piercing me on my cheek or near me eye is, I still love her. It’s just an unfortunate price I have decided to pay to hang out with a good dog. There is no such compromise with Patrick.

If Patrick is serious about this, he should at least trim his nails. Those things should be considered a weapon like brass knuckles in wrestling. But I’ll respect Patrick if he somehow sneaks them in when we throw down in the ring or octagon.

As if fighting Patrick isn’t enough, this wombat has the audacity to always have an entourage with him. I haven’t thought about that yet, so he already has me beat there.

Plus, he’s making a grand entrance in a wheelbarrow. You know what, I’ll preemptively hand the W to Patrick. You can’t spell wombat without W, anyway.