Three weeks ago, ESPN profiled new food the Atlanta Braves were set to debut this baseball season. On Tuesday, much to people's dismay, the Braves brought these foods out for a taste test, and ... oh god, what have we done?
First, let's discuss The Everything Dog. The contents, according to their horrifying chart: Coca-Cola infused BBQ sauce, chili, popcorn, tortilla chips, a footlong all-beef hot dog, beer cheese, jalapeños, french fries and a pretzel bun.
It's almost like someone accidentally wrote a party snacks grocery list on a hot dog recipe and no one bothered to question whether Coca-Cola infused BBQ sauce, popcorn and french fries belonged together on a hot dog. This is basically food best eaten on a dare. As for the rest of the menu? They all answer the same question: "What are we even doing anymore?"
"have you given up on life? well come on down to turner field for sad baseball and...this" pic.twitter.com/FOa5nnlLxj— Robby Kalland (@RKalland) March 22, 2016
Fritos or Doritos topped with chili and cheese. pic.twitter.com/evzqJtrvTe— Braves Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
The Punisher, which includes Monster energy drink-infused BBQ sauce, because the Coca-Cola one apparently wasn't enough:
The "Punisher" pic.twitter.com/19Ygf1m0l2— Braves Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
The shrimp roll, which might be the most normal item in the menu:
Shrimp roll. pic.twitter.com/odH0GFSe8K— Braves Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
The Tater Top Chop:
"Tater Tot Chop" tater tot waffle! pic.twitter.com/cqvHZZMLu3— Braves Reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
It's like the kids from Hook stopped by the Braves' office, pitched the recipes they came up with during the imaginary dinner scene and this is what came out of that meeting.