Dwyane Wade is catching flack for continuing to warm up against the Raptors on Saturday while shooting during the singing of "O Canada." Wade says he was just doing his job by making sure he was ready, others are upset that he couldn't pause his warm up to respect the anthem while he was in Canada. It's a big dumb mess and Wade isn't exactly apologizing.
"You're always sensitive to anything throughout the world," he said. "I'm not thinking about nothing like that. I'm thinking about what I need to do before every game that I prepare for and have been doing my whole career. I understand whatever's said from that standpoint, but I'm not a disrespectful person. If anybody thinks I'm being disrespectful to their country, then they have no idea who Dwyane Wade is.
"No disrespect from myself or Amar'e (Stoudemire) or anybody. If anybody feels like it was, please don't fill up my timeline with disrespectful comments, because that's not this guy right here. Find somebody else with that."
Does Wade need to apologize? Perhaps, but words are hollow. Instead this needs to be about punishment. Wade needs to be taught about the proud heritage of our neighbors up north. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Dwyane Wade is forced to play for a season in the NHL as punishment.
Think of this as a great exhibition tour. Given there are 82 games in a hockey season Wade will spend 11 games with each of Canada's seven NHL teams. The remaining five games will be allocated via raffle.
2. Become a Mountie.
Sure, we know this is passé, but what better way to appreciate the true north, strong and free than by policing it. Shaq loved law enforcement, so maybe Wade will, too.
3. Maple syrup inspector.
Wait ... aren't these supposed to be punishments?
4. Compliment Justin Trudeau's hair.
THIS ISN'T A PUNISHMENT EITHER!
5. Babysit Drake while he sits on top of the CN Tower on the "Views" cover.
It's cold up there, windy and you need to be with Drake while he mumbles about his woes. Most of the time hanging out with Drake would be great, but not under these circumstances.
6. Bag milk.
We know Canada has milk in bags, but it's unclear how that milk makes it into the bags. With no prior knowledge, D-Wade will need to work on a dairy farm and bag the milk by hand to the best of his ability.
7. Live stream himself watching every episode of The Kids in the Hall like Shia LaBeouf did when he watched all his movies.
Appreciate Canada's cultural offerings in the most awkward session possible. Yes, we know Shia just looped that video as a viral stunt -- but Dwyane needs to do it for real. Every single episode back-to-back-to-back-to-back. We will allow bathroom and snack breaks.
8. Listen to an hour-long lecture by Justin Trudeau about respect.
9. Guest star on Degrassi as Dwyane, the sensitive wood shop teacher.
Wade's role would be to overhear some kids in his shop class talking about their friend Alexis, who's going through some tough times. Instead of getting back to work and letting "kids be kids," shop teacher Dwyane would step in and try to solve their problems. He makes lots of allusions to a woodworker being like molding a life, and preferably uses a lathe to illustrate this. He also saves the school dance by beating the principal in a game of one-on-one.
10. Buddy comedy with Mike Myers.
* * *