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Here is what 'A Tale Of Two Cities' would look like if Cam Newton wrote it

1. If you've ever seen Cam Newton's Instagram, you know he has a distinctive captioning style in which he converts almost every English letter into some visually similar character such that it becomes a string of spammy-looking "text" that looks halfway between a ransom note and Webdings, yet still readable if you stare hard enough.

2. Ever the businessman, Cam is capitalizing on his idiosyncratic writing style with an app. The app puts a new keyboard on your phone that allows you to systematically transpose any character on a normal keyboard with any other character, or you can just plop in some text and the app will garble it Cam-style for you.

cool

I bought it. It was a dollar. Don't buy it.

nope

3. Here is what the opening line of Charles Dickens' A Tale Of Two Cities looks like, as re-imagined by Cam Newton's app:

">įtWÅ$thëßË$TöfT1MË$,įtWÅ$thë
WØR$TöfT1MË$,įtWÅ$thëÅGËöfW1$DØM,
įtWÅ$thëÅGËöfFØØŁ1$HNË$,įtWÅ$thë
Ë₽Ø€HöfßËŁ1ËF,įtWÅ$thëË₽Ø€Höf
1N€RËDŪŁ1TŸ,įtWÅ$thë$ËÅ$ØNöfŁ1GHT,
įtWÅ$thë$ËÅ$ØNöfDÅRKNË$,įtWÅ$thë
$₽R1NGöfHØ₽Ë,įtWÅ$thëW1NTËRöf
DË$₽Å1R,wëHÅDëvërÿthįñgßËFØRËüs,WË
hâdNØTH1NGbëförëŪ$,wëWËRËâllGØ1NG
dįrëctTØhëâvëñ,WËwërëÅŁŁgöįñg
D1RË€TthëØTHËRwâÿ-įñ$HØRT,thë
₽ËR1ØDwâs$ØfârŁ1KËthë₽RË$ËNT
përįöd,THÅTsömëØFįtsNØ1$1Ë$T
âüthörįtįës1N$1$TËDöñ1T$bëįñg
RË€Ë1VËD,förGØØDörFØRëvįl,1Nthë
$Ū₽ËRŁÅT1VËdëgrëëØFcömpârįsöñØNŁŸ.

I mean, it's a mess, but I probably would have enjoyed ninth grade English more if we read that instead.