Vegas Golden Knights’ mascot is … not a knight? We have some questions

The Vegas Golden Knights unveiled their mascot on Friday night via Twitter. It is [squints aggressively] NOT a knight? It’s apparently a gila monster, which looks a lot like a very cool and muscular lizard that I would not like to encounter in real life. Because this is such a surprise, we have a few questions.

What was your first impression of the mascot?

Hector: At first I thought the mascot was some sort of alternate Thing, the one from the Fantastic Four. Only it’s fully clothed but is also younger than he traditionally is and plays hockey. It’s kinda like what they did to the Rugrats franchise when they started the All Grown Up series, only in reverse. Does that make any sense? Not really but neither does a gila monster playing hockey instead of a knight.

Hold up. HOLD EVERYTHING. Is ... is this new mascot secretly supposed to be a raptor? Is it Chance the Raptor?

The next thing you’re going to tell me is this mascot performs copyright-friendly versions of Chance the Rapper songs at halftime.

At least it’s not Mavs man? Actually, after getting over the fact that it’s not a golden knight, it’s a fine mascot.

Mary: Oh Vegas. You didn’t need to overthink this mascot choice too much. There’s a perfect legitimate mascot in your name, so why is it a gila monster? I get they’re cool animals that you, uh, don’t want to get too close to but there was a very suitable mascot choice right in front of your faces.

But hey, at least it’s not the nightmare that is the Oilers’ lynx mascot or the Flames’ long-tongued hound. And Vegas does have a golden knight in some form too, as a part of their pregame entertainment that looks straight out of a Disney parks show.

But, you did this to yourselves Vegas. Now you must endure endless jokes about your strange looking gila monster mascot. Welcome to the NHL.

Whitney’s Question Corner

Listen, I’m over here watching baseball because that’s actually my job and it’s the playoffs and it’s the eighth inning right now. But I couldn’t possibly let an opportunity go by to quickly word vomit some of my most pressing questions about this mascot reveal because I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

• Why is it a Gila Monster when the team’s name and logo is knight-based?
• Is it because if their trademark application gets denied their backup name is the Sand Knights (yes, really) and they want something more desert-based if that happens?
• I thought they weren’t allowed to used gambling-related terms? Why were they allowed to name it chance?
• Is Chance the gila monster an avid roulette player or is he more of a craps guy?
• What good reason is there for his head to be weirdly two-toned?
• WHY IS IT NOT JUST A KNIGHT?!
• Why did nobody realize this looks like if Littlefoot from The Land Before Time and Thing from The Fantastic Four had an illicit affair, had a love child, and then sent him to be raised in the desert outside Vegas by a professional card counter?
• Is there a reason it’s a young-looking gila monster? Do they want to encourage baby reptiles to attend games?
• Did somebody get hammered playing Pokemon Go and come up with this?
• AGAIN. THE LOGO IS A KNIGHT. THE NAME IS GOLDEN KNIGHTS. YOU HAVE LOTS OF KNIGHT-THEMED STUFF AROUND THE ARENA. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE YOUR MASCOT NOT A KNIGHT?
• **endless screaming**
• Barney looks different.

Okay. I’m done. I have to go back and watch baseball now. But I want answers.