Roger Goodell is in a contract standoff with the NFL over his compensation in a new deal. His latest counter offer is asking for a $50 million contract, use of a private jet for life, and a lifetime of health insurance for himself and his family. At first glance you might think the plane and insurance are nice perks for years of service of being a willing bad guy for the NFL — but what if it’s really to fuel a Carmen Sandiego-esque life of crime? Play along at home, and see if you can catch Roger Goodell in America’s hottest new game show — Where in the World is Roger Goodell?
Gumshoes, Roger Goodell and his slew of slippery sleazeoids have struck again — this time pulling a horrible heist in New York City. Ever since cheese was added to tomato sauce and dough before being heated in an oven to create meal convenience, pizza has been a favorite of feasters from Fort Worth to Frankfurt.
On Sunday, Roger Goodell took the private jet he asked for in negotiations and kidnapped pizza progenitor Papa John to get back at Jerry Jones! Gumshoes, your job is to pursue Goodell around the globe, bring Papa John back to America, and make Goodell answer for him crimes.
The loot is gone and the chase is on!
Our agents traced Goodell’s trail of shredded mozzarella to this city in Quebec — home of McGill university and the birthplace of hockey. Is it:
c) Quebec City
Jumping across the Atlantic Ocean on his private plane, Goodell was spotted popping a bottle and trying to get some good luck from the Blarney Stone, which is near this Irish city:
Agents have been tracking the NFL Commissioner’s whereabouts for months, following a trail of torn up CTE reports. Reports say he’s been emboldened by NFL owners and is seeking a payment of $50 million! We know Goodell needs to exchange his money somewhere, so he’s heading to Europe’s largest bank, HSBC — headquartered in this city that Ben Roethlisberger would feel right at home in.
We’re definitely closing in now. But *gasp* it’s a storm. You know what that means — it’s the lightning round. We’ve been grounded by this inclement weather in the port town of Marseilles. All our questions will be about the French city.
Paris is the largest city in France, but where does Marseilles rank?
Known as a cultural melting pot, Marseilles has the highest number of immigrants from this country — according to 2011 figures.
The city’s beautiful bay was immortalized by this famous French artist:
a) Jean-Paul Gaultier
b) Paul Cezanne
c) Thierry Henry
If Roger Goodell came to Marseilles 30 years ago, he’d exchange his U.S. currency for this:
Die-hard supporters cheer on Olympique de Marseille each week. Which of these is NOT a nickname for the team?
a) Les Phocéens
b) Les Miserables
c) Les Olympiens
Excellent job, agents. We’re on his trail now. Goodell read reports that the NFL owners are meeting and calling his demands ridiculous, and he’s angrier than ever. We have reports that he’s trying to travel east across this sea:
a) Black Sea
b) Red Sea
c) Mediterranean Sea
Quick, gumshoes — we’ve got an urgent communique from that fiend himself Roger Goodell!
c) Vatican City
Did you amass enough clues or get lost and lose? Tally those answers and see if you caught the NFL Commissioner on the lamb:
b, a, b, c, a, b, a, b, c, c
Looks like Team Goodell is blasting off again! He got through your clutches and you have no idea where he is. Goodell is free to pull another caper!
Missed him by a hair. You didn’t apprehend him this time, but you got close enough to spook him. Goodell will need to lay low while the heat dies down.
Got him red-handed! You arrested Goodell in Vatican City and brought him and Papa John back to New York to answer some serious questions about why he needs $50M a year and health care for life.
Thanks for playing! Until next time where we’ll ask again ...