Browns fans know pain, and as a result they know self-deprecation. In celebration of these things fans are preparing to hold a special “Perfect Season” parade to commemorate the team going 0-16, should it end up happening.
The plan was initially launched back in November, because Browns fans are realistic and pragmatic. Now that the team is sitting at 0-12, it seems like this could really happen, and now organizers have the means to do it. A Go Fund Me was established to offset the costs, and thanks to a $7,683 donation from Exedrin (yes, the aspirin brand) it’s now on path to become a reality.
This is the explanation of the parade from the Go Fund Me:
“This is the official fundraising site for the Cleveland Browns Perfect Season Parade 2.0. As we all know, the Cleveland Browns have had a magical season full of fun & utter embarrassment. Wikipedia defines embarrassment as, "an emotional state that is associated with moderate to high levels of discomfort, and which is usually experienced when someone has a socially unacceptable or frowned-upon act or condition that was witnessed by or revealed to others." This is the condition we deal with every Sunday as a Browns fan!
I urge you to come out on January 6th to show your support for our owner, Jimmy Haslam, and his entire front office for the product they put on the field every Sunday (not Monday night, of course, because we aren't good enough to get that slot). We will parade around First Energy Stadium and culminate with a post-party at a soon to be determined location.
Anyway we need security, restrooms, & medical folks on hand to pull this thing off. If you are interested- please donate.
If the Browns unexpectedly luck into a win this season all funds (sens the gofundme cut) will be donated to the Cleveland Food Bank.”
The parade is set to take place on Saturday, Jan. 6, beginning at noon. The parade route is short, but it’s purposeful.
Just a lap around the stadium. Nothing too fancy. Then an after-party, because to endure a Browns season you need plenty of alcohol and an iron will.
You’ve got to admit: This is great. Browns fans need something to celebrate, even if it’s their futility. Would you rather watch a team of champions spout of hack-kneed expressions of beating adversity while hoisting a trophy, or a group of downtrodden Clevelanders relishing in their team’s hopelessness? I know which one I’d tune into.