The Cubs are getting a World Series movie, so let's cast it with Muppets

A movie about the Cubs’ World Series win is in the works based off David Ross’ new book Teammate: My Journey in Baseball and a World Series for the Ages. Naturally, the film will focus on the win through Ross’ eyes and follow him during his final season in baseball, but it’s an opportunity to get an astonishingly quick turnaround from season to movie.

That means we need to cast this sucker. Let’s concentrate just on the principle characters right now, then we can fill in the rest later. That’s what casting directors are for.

Joe Maddon - Bill Murray

This simply makes too much sense. Murray would be honored to play Maddon and he can get the eccentricities down perfectly. It’s the part he was born to play in this movie.

David Ross - Fozzie the Bear

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Sorry about that. We’re making this a Muppet movie. Well, there will be a few humans, but this will predominantly be a Muppet movie. Why? Muppets are better than humans.

Theo Epstein - Gonzo

Every championship has a brains behind the operation. This is what Gonzo does.

Kris Bryant - Link Hogthrob

“Google, who is the sexiest Muppet?”

Anthony Rizzo - Rizzo the Rat

Man ... this thing is writing itself.

Jake Arrieta - Sam Eagle

This role almost went to any of the dudes from Duck Dynasty, but in the end Sam Eagle’s oft-problematic patriotism is the way to go.

Jon Lester and John Lackey - Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker

Imagine this: A scene inside a lab where Bunsen is writing physics equations on a chalkboard showing the perfect pitch. The two scientist Muppets study everything intently, then Beaker lights his hair on fire.

Ben Zobrist - Scooter

Purists will probably be angry with the non-canonical nature of mixing the Muppet cinematic universe with The Muppet Show, but they’ll get over it. A scrappy, do-everything guy who will make a difference. This just works too well.

The biggest problem with casting right now is that we’re missing some of the Muppet all-stars. We’ve got to find a way to get Kermit and Miss Piggy in the mix, and ideally also include Animal, the Swedish Chef, Animal, and Stadler, and Waldorf. Help cast the rest of this movie! We need you!