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Klay Thompson’s new shoes are so ugly, Steph Curry can breathe easy

Breathe a sigh of relief, Steph Curry, because you’re no longer the owner of the ugliest signature shoes on the Warriors. Feast your eyes on Klay Thompson’s KT2 “Chase.”

These are the ugliest effing things the world has ever seen. It’s like a 6-year-old’s shoe collection became sentient like Toy Story and had a key party. Even the car Homer Simpson designed thinks these are a bit much. They probably have a compass in the tongue, and definitely glow in the dark.

As my esteemed colleague Grant Brisbee said: “I think I saw Solid Snake wear those shoes in Metal Gear Solid.”

The remarkable thing about how ugly these shoes are is that both colorways are atrocious for different reasons.

Let’s start with the black.

They’re like a well-loved pair of trail-running shoes you decided to paint the house in. You really need to throw them out after your bout with foot fungus, but instead you just decided to buy an aftermarket set of rainbow insoles to bring some flair.

It’s like a pair set of devil sticks designed a shoe — and yeah you’re thinking about devil sticks now.

On to the white.

Oh god, these are even worse. You know that paint splatter? IT’S GLITTER NOW. These were designed by the white Power Ranger and they don’t throw his look off at all.

via David Pro, Wikipedia

Just when you think the white shoes couldn’t get any worse, you look inside them.

Remember that part in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where Wonka gets drunk on fizzy lifting drink and throws up everlasting gobstoppers in Charlie Bucket’s shoes? And oh god, I was staring at the tongue so much I missed this gold teeth design on the back.

Is it some sort of requirement that the Warriors all have horrible shoes?