The Western Hockey League bantam draft happened on Thursday, and people immediately began noticing the incredible West Canadian names foisted on the sports world:
Okay let's try this again. The corrected list of first names of players selected in today's 2017 Western Hockey League Bantam Draft. pic.twitter.com/5Fo7ZHgQvs— Adam Herman (@AdamZHerman) May 4, 2017
Three Aidens, SIX Brayden variants, four Kaidens with a Sequoia and Krz for good measure. The elite level of name talent in the pool was deep, and here are our favorites.
- Sequoia Swan: This is just an awesome name top to bottom. You take two beautiful things from nature, cram them in one name, then cram that name into some hockey. It’s perfect.
- Krz Plummer: Vowels are overrated as hell. This is 2017, and we need to speak fast, learn quickly, and forget about those pesky other things. The best thing about “Krz” as a first name is that your brain unintentionally fills in letters you think should be there. Is it Kriz? Krez? Kroz? He could pronounce it any of these ways and still be awesome. Good name.
- Anson McMaster: ANSON EFFING MCMASTER! How the heck do you find time to be a teenage hockey superstar AND an ‘80s action star?
- Ethan Ironside: There’s no joke here — it’s just the perfect hockey name.
- Joel Sexsmith: Some people are blacksmiths, others might be silversmiths. Joel is a darn Sexsmith. It’s rare to find a name that is both so darn alluring and also the perfect alt-title for Game of Thrones.
- Aiden Bangs: This is the bone-zone of the name rankings, so get over it. Right after Joel Sexsmith is Aiden Bangs. What does Aiden do? He bangs. A good name tells you a little about the person — and this is perfect.
- Payton Mount: You get the theme at this point.
- James Bohn: The name’s Bohn, James Bohn.
- Robbie Fromm-Delorme: This name is a sham. Robbie isn’t from Delorme at all. He’s from Prince Albert. False advertising.
- Wyatt Marlow: This is such a good-ass film noir hockey name. Wyatt Marlow is the private eye everyone on the streets knows. He’s coming for you, unless he destroys himself first.
- Kalen Szeto: Obligatory draft Star Wars name.
- Daron Cyr: Obligatory draft Star Wars name 2.0.
- Ty Yoder: Obligatory draft Star Wars name 3.0.
- Chase Yoder: Obligator ... OK, these Yoder bros are definitely going to be a force.
- Ozzy Wiesblatt: Winner of “most fun name to say” in the draft.
- Kalen Ukrainetz: I’m a big fan of the “add TZ on the end of the country” name. That means my western hockey name would be James Australiatz.
- Dylan Scriven: This is absolutely the name of some sort of misshapen troll sidekick of a mad scientist.
- Dallon Melin: I know it’s probably pronounced “Me-leen” but nah, not into that. I AM very much into Dallon Melon. There’s cantaloupe, honeydew, and dallonmelon.
- Chase Leslie: First there was Run, Lola, Run then there was Kill Bill. Now there’s Chase Leslie.
- John Little: So his name is totally “Little, John” during a roll call. We see what you did there, parents.
- Seth Jarvis: Best butler name in the draft.
- Aiden De La Gorgendiere: Weird things happen when you get older. I used to be able to eat ANYTHING cooked De La Gorgendiere. But since I turned 30, it just gives me the worst friggin’ heartburn.
- Talyn Boyko: Really looking forward to Boyko releasing that new edition of the AI-controlled home automaton.
So many good names. Bless you, WHL draft.