Kyrie Irving has requested a trade from the Cleveland Cavaliers. He doesn’t want to play with LeBron James anymore, according to ESPN’s Brian Windhorst, and he wants to be the focal point of a team.
That’s fine. But please Kyrie, we’re begging you to not leave the Eastern Conference. There’s ... there’s nobody left. Paul George went to the Thunder, Jimmy Butler went to the Timberwolves, Paul Millsap went to the Nuggets, and Carmelo Anthony wants to go to the Rockets.
I, a sports blogger, have a decent enough chance to make the Eastern Conference All-Star team as is. You leaving would mean I have a really good chance. Kyrie, I scored three points on my varsity basketball team. Fam, don’t do this.
Irving’s official list, according to ESPN’s Chris Haynes, includes the Knicks, Heat, Spurs and Timberwolves as the four teams for which he’d prefer to play. Two of those places sound great! The other are really bad — don’t go there! The Spurs have Kawhi Leonard! He doesn’t even talk, that’s no fun. And the Timberwolves? They just got Jimmy Butler. They’ve had enough happiness.
Anyway, Kyrie, here is a list of 14 teams you should consider playing for (in alphabetical order, sorted by conference), PLUS one bonus team I bet you aren’t even considering.
So what they just let Millsap go and now are without any of the starting five that once earned Player of the Week honors. So what they just traded Dwight Howard. You can be their best player! Just like you want! In the East!
Gordon Hayward just came over, Al Horford is good, Isaiah Thomas is fun! ... Wow this is a great place to play in the East, and you have a chance to win!
Ignore the fact that they just got their point guard of the future in D’Angelo Russell and Brooklyn (which is in the East) is the perfect fit!
Kemba Walker + Kyrie Irving. What a backcourt. And if they have to trade Walker to get you, that’s fine too because you are so good and, most importantly, Charlotte is in the East.
Ok, so the Bulls didn’t exactly trade Jimmy Butler for much, and they aren’t particularly good, but hey, they’re in the East.
I don’t know man, just don’t leave the East.
Drawing blanks here dude, just don’t leave.
8. Miami Heat
You want to play here! That’s what the report says at least. You and Dion Waiters again. That went so well last time! Fun times. In the East!
Giannis Antetokounmpo. Eastern Conference. What’s not to love?
10. New York Knicks
You can sell a ton of shoes and jerseys, and play with Kristaps Porzingis! Yeah! East!
11. Orlando Magic
East.
Trust. The. East
13. Toronto Raptors
Yeah, DeMar DeRozan is going to take your shots. Yeah, the Raptors just signed Kyle Lowry. But the West Coast is bad. Trust me. Pick the East.
The humidity is fine. You’ll love it, Kyrie. It’s totally in the East.
Now time for one bonus team.
15. Cleveland Cavaliers
Think about this: playing with LeBron James ... in the East!