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THIS FISHING VIDEO GAME TRAILER HAS NO BUSINESS BEING SO METAL

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Me: “Oh hey, a new fishing game. Most fishing games suck. Might as well see what this is all about.”

MOTHERF***ING FISHING PLANET:

“FISHING PLANET” IS FISHING IN ALL CAPS AND NEEDS TO BE TREATED AS SUCH. THIS IS LIKE IF JASON BOURNE’S LATEST UNDERCOVER PLAN TO BRING DOWN GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY HAPPENED ON 12 SCENIC WATERWAYS.

HOW DO I KNOW THERE ARE 12 SCENIC WATERWAYS? BECAUSE MOTHERF***ING FISHING PLANET TELLS ME THERE ARE 12 SCENIC WATERWAYS.

I’VE ONLY FISHED A FEW TIMES IN MY LIFE AND FOUND IT ENJOYABLE EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE YOU NEED TO UNHOOK FISH WHICH IS ICKY — BUT FISHING PLANET MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN MISSING OUT ALL THESE YEARS.

70+ FISH SPECIES? I DIDN’T KNOW THAT MANY FISH EXISTED IN THE PLANET AND THEY’RE ALL HERE IN FISHING PLANET.

HONESTLY, I’M REALLY AMPED ABOUT THIS GAME AND WILL BUY IT IMMEDIATELY. I JUST HOPE THERE ARE A LOT OF TACKLE COMBINATIONS TO CHOOSE FROM. ALL I WANT IS LIKE ... 50 DIFFERENT TACKLE COMBINATIONS.

THOUSANDS OF TACKLE COMBINATIONS!!!! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING FISHING PLANET?!?!?!?!

THE ONLY THING THAT COULD REALLY BRING THIS GAME DOWN IS IF THE FISH WERE SUPER DUMB AND EASY TO CATCH. THAT WOULD BE A BIG LETDOWN.

FISHING PLANET HAS GOT YOU!

THE MUSIC IS SO METAL. THAT FISH HAS NO CLUE WHAT’S WAITING ABOUT THE SURFACE FOR THIS FOOL. HAHAHAHA PEA-SIZED BRAIN FISH AIN’T NO MATCH FOR A HUMAN.

I KNOW YOU AREN’T DROPPING THE DOUBLE GOOSEY REEL RIGHT NOW!

THIS VIDEO IS EXHAUSTING. I’M WAY TOO HYPED TO KEEP WATCHING THIS. THANK GOODNESS THERE’S ONLY A FEW SECONDS LEFT. THIS IS THE PART WHERE THINGS START TO WIND DOWN AND I CAN BREATHE AGAIN.

OH MY GOD IT WAS A PHOTO ALL ALONG ON THE DESK OF SOME DOPE EXECUTIVE NEXT TO HIS STOCK REPORTS -- WHICH LOOK LIKE THEY FLUCTUATE TOO MUCH, PROBABLY BECAUSE HE’S FISHING AND NOT OVERSEEING HIS COMPANY BUT I DON’T CARE BECAUSE FISHING PLANET IS TOO GOOD.

THIS GAME COMES OUT LATER THIS MONTH AND I CAN’T WAIT FOR FISHING TO ...

GET REEL.

H/T @alex_navarro ON TWITTER WHO LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW AMAZING FISHING PLANET IS