This story was originally published on June 28 and updated on July 1.
The Winter Olympics, the World Cup, LeBron James decisions. Every four years we’re met with the incomprehensible madness of free agency for the NBA’s biggest star and honestly, we’re owed something special.
We did not really get anything special this time. LeBron announced his intention to sign with the Los Angeles Lakers via a short press release on Twitter.
— Klutch Sports Group (@KlutchSports) July 2, 2018
That’s cool in its own way, but what if he went even more over the top than before?
You see, the first time LeBron did this, we got “The Decision”, and you still remember it in all of its ludicrous pageantry. You remember LeBron sitting there, surrounded by kids, telling the world he was taking his talents to South Beach — just reading that sentence you probably hear his voice in your head. The shock, the anger, Cavaliers fans burned their jerseys in the streets while weeping. It was magical.
The Decision 2 was like Die Hard 2: Die Harder, functionally fine, but a bit of a let down. It was a first person essay in Sports Illustrated explaining why he was returning home. It was muted, compared to “The Decision,” and there was a little less angst as a result. Sure, there were some angry Heat fans that LeBron was leaving — but he’d won two championships at that point, no need to burn his jersey or get too worked up.
We needed pomp and circumstance in 2018. We need a distraction. We needed something special. As it stands, we got that press release and nothing more. But I can’t help but think the third decision could have been so much more memorable.
6 suggestions for LeBron’s “Decision: With a Vengeance”
Hat ceremony
LeBron never got to have his college selection announcement by hat, so we do that for his free agency decision. It’s classic, it’s clean, and it’s easy.
Crop duster
LeBron flies a crop dusting plane over the city of his choice and dumps literal tons of chalk on the city. Yes, there will be lots of coughing — sure the chalk might blow away and cause a confusing mess, potentially leading to massive pileups on motorways, but getting LeBron will be worth it.
Inverted macaroni picture
We put a giant poster board covered in glue above LeBron in Times Square, but the glue has written out the team he wants to join. Then, he throws a whole bunch of macaroni like his chalk dust, and it all sticks to the glue, spelling out the team name and creating a cool piece of refrigerator art.
Desert island sand message
A random island somewhere in the world is the only place where LeBron’s new team is written. There’s a worldwide hunt, using private jets to try and unveil where he’ll end up. Flight trackers, around-the-clock live coverage — it’ll be perfect.
We geocache LeBron.
LeBron is hidden inside his chosen city and everyone needs to hunt to find him using an app developed for the event. It turns into a countrywide version of Rat Race to discover where he’s hiding. Is it a tree? The top of a building? An unassuming alley? Only one way to find out.
Simultaneous sky writing
Have planes over each prospective city spell out “LEBRON IS COMING TO YOUR CITY!” Then wait to add “NOT” in the cities that missed out. Make people have hope and then steal it away.