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‘Gritty’ is the Flyers’ new googly-eyed, hot dog loving mascot who might be a Lovecraftian Old One

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All hail Gritty.

The Philadelphia Flyers have unearthed something amazing, and also possibly horrible they are now unleashing on the world. Meet Gritty.

According to the official bio from the Flyers, Gritty has existed for years, and only now he’s been woken from his slumber.

“He claims that he’s been around for a lot longer than we know it, and recent construction at the Wells Fargo Center disturbed his secret hideout forcing him to show his face publicly for the first time.”

Just so we’re all clear here, Gritty was a subterranean entity that existed in the bowels of the Earth and was only forced to the surface when humanity explored too far. Gritty is an Old One, and this is canon.

Honestly though, if you’re going to worship a cosmic horror entity, there’s a lot Gritty has that Cthulu doesn’t:

  1. Googly eyes.
  2. Skating ability.
  3. He has panache.

Also Gritty has been secretly helping the Flyers commit fraud for years.

His love of hot dogs has been inflating the Flyers Dollar Dog Night consumption totals for years.”

All-in-all, Gritty is the best sports mascot to be unveiled in the last five years. He is wonderful, perfect, and may end up enslaving humanity — but if some dark god is going to consume my eternal soul, well, I’m glad it’ll be Gritty.