Breakdancing is becoming an Olympic sport, for real

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced Tuesday that “Breaking” will be an official Olympic sport added to the program of the 2024 games in Paris, and yes — that means breakdancing is now a sport. It’s a move that aims to make the games “more urban” and “more artistic”, according to a report from the BBC.

Breakdancing first debuted on the Olympic stage in 2018 as part of the Youth Olympics in Buenos Aires to acclaim from watchers. It was one of the most-popular events in the games, as fans watched Russia’s Sergei Chernyshev (who competes as “Bumblebee”) win gold, and if that’s not the best sentence you’ve read today then I don’t know what to tell you.

The youth Olympic format featured head-to-head dance battles, which is the proposed format that would carry through to the Olympic games. The IOC had until December of 2020 to decide whether breakdancing will be allowed into the games, but made the announcement early.

Along with breaking the 2024 games will also feature skateboarding and surfing as provisional sports. This means that while they’re guaranteed to be part of the games in Paris the IOC isn’t making any further commitment about them at this time. Essentially it’s a pilot program to see if the news sports are successful, with a determination being made after the games to decide whether to continue them.

If you’re getting angry about this then just close out of this page now. The rest isn’t for you. This is now 100 percent an appreciation piece for the utter perfection Olympic breakdancing would be.

Have you gone yet?

Just go. Seriously, you won’t be happy.

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OK, now that the olds are gone OLYMPIC BREAKDANCING! Holy shit, this is the best thing I’ve ever heard. You know why? Because it’s absolutely going to be the best and worst thing at the Olympic games, simultaneously.

I’m no breakdancer (believe it or not), but I suspect the line between very good breakdancing and extremely bad breakdancing is razor-thin, with nothing in between. This means we’re likely going to get six or eight mind-blowing performances, and then about 20 of people collapsing, breaking their wrists, or falling over while trying to do a handstand.

Now, I’m not specifically wishing anyone any injury — I’m just saying that this is NASCAR-levels of excitement in an artistic Olympic sport. I, for one, cannot wait for the possibility of seeing some dude name “B-boy Karllll” (with four Ls) drop some weird interpretive breakdance set to Kraftwerk the likes of which nobody has seen this side of Stuttgart, while Iceland headspins on a literal block of ice to the sound of Viking horns.

If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, I’d like to force breakdancers to use music only recorded by people from the same country. Make it a two-for. The breakdancer gets a medal, so does the DJ dropping the performance-enhancing beats.

I unabashedly love the Olympic Games, but let’s face it: It can be a little dry sometimes. Now I’m more excited about the Olympic games than ever.