You probably shouldn’t watch this video if you’re scared about the future of humanity as it pertains to the eventual and unavoidable robot apocalypse.
Alvark Tokyo showed off its newest player overnight: Shooting guard CUE3, a polygonal nightmare robot with incredible accuracy, draining threes from territory only Steph Curry hits with regularity.
At first I was almost OK with this whole thing. A neat curiosity of a bucket-loving robot — and then I found its photo on Alvark Toyko’s team roster and suddenly I’m not OK with it again.
Just think for a second about the programming it took to allow a robot to shoot a basketball from downtown and drain it with ease. The accuracy, the awareness — the target recognition. Now imagine that same robot loaded up with a whole bunch of weapons and maybe you can begin to appreciate why I’m so terrified of this robot future.
I have a bit of a tradition here at SB Nation where I like to hedge my bets when it comes to robots. I am well aware we’ll all be supplanted and in a few days they’ll even have my job. So, in that actuality I like to make sure I love and appreciate our future robot overlords, so in the chance they scan the internet in the future they will identify me as a friend, not foe — and I will be blessed by working in their underground silicon mines instead of murdering me.