In the most Philadelphia story to break this week -- perhaps this year -- a woman is suing beloved Philadelphia Phillies mascot/antagonist the Phillie Phanatic. The accusation? Poolside horseplay.
Jason Nark of Philly.com reports that the lawsuit was filed by Suzanne Peirce, who was attending her sister's wedding at the Golden Inn in Avalon, Pa., when the Phanatic allegedly picked up both Peirce and the lounge chair she was sitting in and flung them both into the pool.
Peirce claims she hurt just about everything in the incident, including suffering "severe and permanent injuries to her head, neck, back, body, arms and legs, bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments, nerves and tissues ..." and more. The pool did have water in it, attorney Aaron Denker said, though Peirce was tossed in the shallow end.
Tendons, ligaments and tissues damage! How could you, Phanatic? How could --
Hold up, let's back up for a second here. So the Phanatic just shows up at random weddings and runs through his vast library of harassment antics? That's actually really awesome and possibly the first cool thing I've ever heard about Philadelphia.
Secondly, the Phillie is such a physical powerhouse that he can just deadlift a lounge chair with a lady in it and straight-up biel it into a nearby pool? Did Tony Stark make the Phanatic suit or something? Because just thinking about that as a feat of strength is spectacular.
Please note that, since this is a Philadelphia-based news story, pains were taken to ensure the reader was aware that there was water in the pool. Because denizens of Philly would totally not be surprised to hear that the Phanatic had hucked a lady into a concrete grave at a wedding.
Best of luck to both Ms. Peirce and Mr. Natic. Of course, according to Philadelphia statute, the winner of the case gets to vomit on the loser.