The contents of ESPN the Magazine's "Body" issue have been unveiled, and they contain the usual ultra-chiseled Adonises throughout its pages. Michael Phelps, Venus Williams, Serge Ibaka, Omar Gonzalez, and so on will be on newstands July 11. Texas Rangers' first baseman Prince Fielder will also be appearing nude in this summer's edition of the annual issue, and if your first inclination is laughter, you should probably remember that Prince Fielder is a better athlete than you.
Lob your fat joke of choice at the 275-pound slugger, but when you do, remember that he probably won't get winded walking out to his mailbox to pick up his copy of ESPN the Magazine. He might look a bit unorthodox for a baseball player, or really, any athlete besides an NFL lineman, but until neck surgery derailed his 2014, he also missed all of one game -- one, singular game -- between 2009 and 2013. That's 809 out of 810 possible games. How many days per week do you skip the gym? Be honest. I bail at least once per week. At least.
Let's feel good for the big man for getting the chance to show off what he's got in a magazine entirely reserved for what are historically unrealistic and unattainable body types. You know, thanks to all of us non-athletes and our aforementioned gym skippage. You do you, Prince.