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The silliest Scott Boras quotes from his latest offseason lecture

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Never change, Scotty.

MLB: Cincinnati Reds at Los Angeles Dodgers Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Scott Boras isn’t one to avoid flowery language when he’s speaking to a crowd. Or when he’s not speaking to a crowd, really. Basically, Scott Boras always talks like he’s the smartest person in the room even when he might not be.

There’s nothing wrong with that approach, and he uses that posturing to be a larger-than-life personality that can press team owners and GMs into giving him and his clients more money than they might actually be worth.

So it’s working for him, is what I’m saying.

His latest lengthy oration, at this week’s GM Meetings, was no different. It was given from a place of confidence and strategy, which is par for the course. It also had some wild and out there sound bites, which is also par for the course for Boras.

Here’s a sampling of the metaphors, references, and simply weird stuff Boras said during his time in front of reporters.

“Don’t ask why” is great advice for most of the things on this list, actually.

Is Playoffville real? What are the property taxes in Playoffville? How similar is it to the Reese Witherspoon classic Pleasantville. Aw man, now I’m imagining Mike Moustakas in the Tobey Maguire role. THANKS BORAS.

Coming next fall, Bill Pullman stars in the latest installment in the Casper franchise, Casper Finance!

Of course he’s willing to listen, that’s literally his job as an agent. It would have actually been better if Boras came out and said, “Nothing the Nationals say matters to me, Bryce and I are going on a cross-country road trip next offseason because we’ve never seen Mount Rushmore. We’ll be back in January to a pile of bids.”

Now we’re getting in to “Godfather II quote or Scott Boras quote?”

What does this even meaaaaaaan.

Ohhh robust markets and “fitting franchises.” Sensual baseball doesn’t have an offseason.

And that one’s just obvious. Tell us something we don’t know, Boras. Talk about Jake Arrieta’s nuts again.

That’s the content we’re here for.