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Aaron Boone was officially introduced as the Yankees’ new manager during a press conference at Yankee Stadium on Wednesday.
The press conference was what you would expect from Boone, with a lot of sucking up to a fan base that is already familiar with him as a player and a baseball community that is collectively side-eyeing this hire with all the offseason energy they can muster.
He expressed his excitement about being given the opportunity to manage, since he couldn’t really talk about his experience or anything. He promised “great relationships with the players” and how the franchise will “get all he’s got” and overall, it was a lot of “aw shucks, I’m just so happy to be here trying my best” quotes that could have been delivered by a vanilla cupcake without any icing and still have the same emotional heft attached.
At least he brought up the Red Sox rivalry, which I assume is contractually obligated for any new Yankees skipper. The only reason Aaron isn’t the member of the Boone family it is easiest to eye roll about at this moment in time is because Bret exists.
Besides the press conference, Boone further initiated himself back into the New York fanbase with a Twitter AMA (Ask Me Anything) after his official presser.
Which is where we start to have some real problems. Because some of his opinions are complete garbage.
It started out fine enough, with normal baseball questions about his career. Even if it’s a little weird that besides that time he hit one of the most talked-about home runs in the last 30 years, his favorite part of playing was...having breakfast with Don Zimmer?
Hi Nate - toughest pitcher I faced during my playing days was Ben Sheets. Dominated me. #BooneAMA https://t.co/LxZBN8rEJ5
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
Hi Derek - my breakfasts on the road with Don Zimmer. I cherish them. #BooneAMA https://t.co/LRoiTo1Jcb
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
Pure joy and excitement. Just really humbled. #BooneAMA https://t.co/N14bzDkcgR
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
Good question. I think this one: #BooneAMA https://t.co/osux8j3kcf
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
This is all fine, whatever. We’ve got bigger fish to fry.
He starts getting into the weeds with some questionable opinions about Die Hard and pineapple pizza, but I will also readily accept that these questions can go either way based on your personality.
Despite my personal opinions about both of these things being quite strong, this is not the time nor place to litigate which is the correct answer because again, it gets much worse.
Hi Robert - Yes. Die Hard is a Christmas movie. #BooneAMA https://t.co/et6ukeBK6C
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
I love pineapple and I would eat it if it's on there, but my preference is just straight pepperoni pizza. #BooneAMA https://t.co/NiFvYhIZPJ
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
It gets worse because Aaron Boone is not excited for the new Star Wars movie.
Hi Marc - no, but my kids are. #BooneAMA https://t.co/XVKjbN1v8f
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
Reasonably, this should be a fireable offense. This is sociopathic behavior that at the very least should be looked into, and at worst could mean he’s not a human and is in fact a baseball-hating robot sent from outer space to bore us all to death instead of allowing us to enjoy the game. I’m only slightly kidding.
Now, not everybody has to like Star Wars. That is not at all what I am saying. You should, but if you don’t it’s not the end of the world. Every generation has their own preferences, But in Aaron Boone’s specific situation, I am highly skeptical of this opinion.
Boone was born in 1973, four years before A New Hope was released in theaters. So he definitely didn’t get the chance to see that in a good ol’ fashioned movie house, and it’s also fair to give him the slight benefit of the doubt that he didn’t see The Empire Strikes Back in a theater when he was seven either.
But he was 10 when Return of the Jedi released, and at that point we have a problem. Because by the time you’re 10, you are surrounded by fifth graders that are completely wrapped up in whatever pop culture phenomenon is happening at that time. And in 1983, that was Star Wars. I even confirmed with our resident old(er) guy on staff, Grant Brisbee, that this timeline checks out.
So Boone either was completely impervious to the overwhelming love of Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie happening throughout his age group, or he actively decided to hate what his friends liked. What kind of child was Aaron Boone that he didn’t like Star Wars as a 10 year old?!
Add to this that Bret is four years older than Aaron, old enough to see Empire in theaters and love it, and make his brother watch it with him, and this is flabbergasting. Were there no backyard lightsaber fights? Bret forcing Aaron to be Chewie so he could be Han for Halloween? Matching lunch boxes?
This family might have had problems, at least when it comes to pop culture. Good thing his kids are turning things around and righting their father’s wrongs.
Aaron did redeem himself in the end though. Because under no circumstances, EVER, is a hot dog a sandwich.
Hi Blake - A hot is NOT a sandwich. I'm eating an actual sandwich as I type. A hot dog is a hot dog. #BooneAMA https://t.co/KLDFDb3KaM
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) December 6, 2017
Thank god for at least a little sanity in this Twitter AMA.