Something potentially tragic happened during the Marlins’ exhibition game Tuesday against the University of Miami. Thankfully no one was injured in any way. There was no destruction or anything like that. Unless you count the destruction of all of our hopes and dreams and the injury to my soul.
That afternoon, newly minted Marlin Lewis Brinson hit a home run. Which, congrats to him or whatever. He’s looking great so far and hopefully he will have a productive and happy season with his new teammates.
This isn’t about his offense though. This is about what happened next, which is a blow to my faith in humanity and also the Marlins to do literally anything correctly this year.
What happened next was ... this is hard to even acknowledge but ... when he hit the home run ... THE DINGER MACHINE DIDN’T GO OFF.
BREAKING: Lewis Brinson homers for the Marlins and the Home Run Sculpture was NOT activated.— clarkspencer (@clarkspencer) March 27, 2018
I try to save my most pure levels of outrage for important, world-changing, cultural moments like when Dunkaroos were discontinued in the United States ... but what the actual f***, Marlins? This better be — better be — because it’s still the pre-season and real games haven’t started yet and it doesn’t make sense to have the Dinger Machine go off for exhibition game home runs.
Because if that’s not the case, and this is a harbinger of the tragedy to come, we’re going to have some real issues. As much as I don’t want the Dinger Machine to go anywhere, period, the sculpture just sitting there without getting to light up and celebrate a home run would be even worse.
Abandoned, hopeless, unable to be a part of the Marlins’ home run fun because some guy in an office doesn’t think it’s pretty enough. Now I’m picturing the Dinger Machine, sitting around on June 17, humming this song quietly to itself and trying not to get too emotional about the good old days.
When the regular season rolls around this better be fixed, is all I’m saying.