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Magic Johnson, Larry Bird Inspired Broadway Play In Production; Let's Cast Leads!

Following the NFL's "Lombardi"-sized footsteps, the NBA is partnering with "Lombardi" producers Fran Kirmser and Tony Ponturo and writer Eric Simonson and readying a play on the Larry Bird-Magic Johnson rivalry entitled "Magic/Bird." This is cool if you, like every person who learned about the NBA from someone who swears they fell in love with Magic and Bird seconds into the 1979 NCAA Tournament final, have a respect for that rivalry and what it's produced. (It's derivative if you consider the NBA's using the "Lombardi" formula, producers, and screenwriters, but, hey, the NBA could be taking worse cues from ... aw, fiddlesticks.)

In any case, this enterprise needs some actors. I'm happy to provide some casting choices for the Great White Way's versions of Magic and Bird.

Steve Zahn as Bird and Kenan Thompson as Magic. The potential pitfall of Thompson shoehorning in an awkward "What's up with that?" is almost as bad as the potential height problems. (But, let's be real: this play isn't getting to-scale actors, because they don't exist.)

Conan O'Brien as Bird and Steve Harvey as Magic. Better! Conan's got the height, but the hair's just a tad too flame red, and I'm not sure he can do Bird's mush-mouthed Indiana accent. Harvey might actually work pretty well for Magic — I'd imagine he could do the voice perfectly — but he has to lose the mustache.

Will Ferrell as Bird and Romany Malco as Magic. Basically, imagine a sub-Judd Apatow buddy movie on Broadway.

Colin Firth as Bird and Denzel Washington as Magic. Tony bait!

Nick Offerman as Bird and Aziz Ansari as Magic. We'll recreate their Parks and Recreation magic, stage the entire play in a strip club with a breakfast bar in Terre Haute, and pretend that Offerman's Bob Knight obsession as Ron Swanson somehow translates to him playing Bird.

Mark Wahlberg as Bird and Anthony Anderson as Magic. Wahlberg's Bird is the exact same character as his Micky Ward in The Fighter. Bill Simmons loves the play and tweets praise it with 19 exclamation points, then follows that with a Kangaroo Jack joke or nine.

Frank Caliendo as Bird and Charles Barkley as Magic. The play is an absurdist examination of what it is to be alive. Caliendo plays Bird as Barkley in brownface. Someone pans the play as "almost as bad as that Spiderman fiasco." But Barkley actually nails Magic, somehow.

Robert Downey Jr. as Bird ... and Magic. Robert Downey Jr. bores of charming every moviegoer (and straight woman) in America, decides to go after the couch potato set, dons the Tropic Thunder blackface and plays both leads and all six characters in the play. He wins multiple Tonys.

Michael Jordan in multiple roles. Jordan sees Downey's performance, fumes, buys the play, and stages it himself. Everyone in the audience squirms uncomfortably when Jordan manages to make the climax of the play his own 63 points against the Celtics.

Justin Bieber as Bird and Sean Kingston as Magic. The play is just the "Eenie Meenie" video and Bieber schooling Jay Williams looped. And it sets ticket sales records.