It is time for two annual tropes of the NBA Draft.
1. It is time to discount the potential of any otherwise stellar NBA prospect based on fuzzy interpretations of said prospect's failings. I see you, Harrison Barnes.
2. It is time to get through an entire top-14 NBA mock draft using haiku.
Let's go, for it's time
to mock ourselves and the draft
in just that order.
1. CHARLOTTE BOBCATS: ANTHONY DAVIS
the big unibrow that could
(get Cal a title?).
2. WASHINGTON WIZARDS: THOMAS ROBINSON
'New traditions' means
avoiding future Blatches.
Sorry, Dre Drummond.
3. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS: ANDRE DRUMMOND
Kids this big and skilled
are worth the trouble, lest we
forget D. Cousins.
4. PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS (VIA NETS): BRADLEY BEAL
Oh, Nets. HA HA HA
ha ha ha ha HA ha ha.
(I am so sorry.)
5. TORONTO RAPTORS: MICHAEL KIDD-GILCHRIST
No Euros near top?
S'OK: MKG will be
coach Dwane Casey's dream.
6. DETROIT PISTONS: PERRY JONES
Motown's core -- Monroe,
Stuckey and Knight -- ought to add
a real wild card.
7. SACRAMENTO KINGS: JOHN HENSON
It is time to find
Boogie Cousins the perfect
8. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: CODY ZELLER
Austin Rivers would
be hilarious right here.
Yo, you mad Coach K?
9. UTAH JAZZ (FROM WARRIORS): HARRISON BARNES
10. MILWAUKEE BUCKS: JARED SULLINGER
First assignment for
Sully: usurp Drew Gooden
with top-notch neckstache.
11. PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS: TYLER ZELLER
Keep this kid away
from Sactown, y'all. Only then
will no one get hurt.
12. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS (FROM WOLVES): TERRENCE JONES
We can look forward
to David Stern vetoing
a pick live on stage!
13. PHOENIX SUNS: AUSTIN RIVERS
You get to replace Steve Nash.
Here's some patchouli.
14. DENVER NUGGETS: ROYCE WHITE
No, I had not heard
of Royce White before last week.
Uh, why do you ask?
Comment starter: Well, that was a pretty mal-informed mock draft. Can they get worse?