NBA Mock Draft: Harrison Barnes' Poetic Justice

Madness in full swing, let's mock the NBA Draft. ... Oh, it's in haiku.

By Tom Ziller Mar 27, 2012, 9:37am EDT

It is time for two annual tropes of the NBA Draft.

1. It is time to discount the potential of any otherwise stellar NBA prospect based on fuzzy interpretations of said prospect's failings. I see you, Harrison Barnes.

2. It is time to get through an entire top-14 NBA mock draft using haiku.

Let's go, for it's time
to mock ourselves and the draft
in just that order.

Let's mock.

1. CHARLOTTE BOBCATS: ANTHONY DAVIS

Anthony Davis:
the big unibrow that could
(get Cal a title?).

2. WASHINGTON WIZARDS: THOMAS ROBINSON

'New traditions' means
avoiding future Blatches.
Sorry, Dre Drummond.

3. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS: ANDRE DRUMMOND

Kids this big and skilled
are worth the trouble, lest we
forget D. Cousins.

4. PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS (VIA NETS): BRADLEY BEAL

Oh, Nets. HA HA HA
ha ha ha ha HA ha ha.
(I am so sorry.)

5. TORONTO RAPTORS: MICHAEL KIDD-GILCHRIST

No Euros near top?
S'OK: MKG will be
coach Dwane Casey's dream.

6. DETROIT PISTONS: PERRY JONES

Motown's core -- Monroe,
Stuckey and Knight -- ought to add
a real wild card.

7. SACRAMENTO KINGS: JOHN HENSON

It is time to find
Boogie Cousins the perfect
defensive caddie.

8. CLEVELAND CAVALIERS: CODY ZELLER

Austin Rivers would
be hilarious right here.
Yo, you mad Coach K?

9. UTAH JAZZ (FROM WARRIORS): HARRISON BARNES

Dropped stock ain't all bad.
Would you rather be picked by
Wizards or the Jazz?

10. MILWAUKEE BUCKS: JARED SULLINGER

First assignment for
Sully: usurp Drew Gooden
with top-notch neckstache.

11. PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS: TYLER ZELLER

Keep this kid away
from Sactown, y'all. Only then
will no one get hurt.

12. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS (FROM WOLVES): TERRENCE JONES

We can look forward
to David Stern vetoing
a pick live on stage!

13. PHOENIX SUNS: AUSTIN RIVERS

Congratulations!
You get to replace Steve Nash.
Here's some patchouli.

14. DENVER NUGGETS: ROYCE WHITE

No, I had not heard
of Royce White before last week.
Uh, why do you ask?

***

Comment starter: Well, that was a pretty mal-informed mock draft. Can they get worse?