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Why Can't We All Play In The NBA?

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"There's a lot of sitting around and waiting because I don't really want to do anything on the day of the game in order to save energy. If you think about it, during a normal 82 game season including playoffs, preseason games, and two-a-day training camp days, I spend almost one-third of my year either in the gym or waiting at home or a hotel. I'm pretty much shut off from the rest of the world for one-third of the year. I'm just realizing this. I need to get out more... I'm watching Superbad on FX right now. McLovin just got punched at the liquor store."

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Sure, Nick Collison takes some of the sex appeal out of the NBA lifestyle right there. But then think about how much of your life you spend in an office staring at a computer like some impotent zombie. Wouldn't you rather hang out in Five Star hotels all day taking naps and watching Superbad? Really, Nick Collison's description just stokes the flames of our burning jealousy toward him and every other pro athlete. This is just bulls**t. Why can't everybody play in the NBA? I want to go watch Superbad at the Four Seasons. RIGHT NOW.

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(For more from the always-excellent Collison, check out this piece from GQ.)