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Dwight Howard's (fictional) stand-up comedy show

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Dwight Howard, the human Full House sitcom, would probably have a god-awful comedy show.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU, UDONIS - HAVE YOU HEARD THE LIMERICK ABOUT THE MAN FROM NANTUCKET?"
"WHAT ABOUT YOU, UDONIS - HAVE YOU HEARD THE LIMERICK ABOUT THE MAN FROM NANTUCKET?"
USA TODAY Sports

Thursday night, we saw one of the most groan-worthy parts of Dwight Howard's game.

No, I'm not talking about his tremendously inconsistent free-throw shooting. I'm talking about his insufferable brand of comedy that may best be put as family-friendly sitcom version Bob Saget.

Ugh. That's just what we need, another Manti Te'o invisible fake girlfriend joke. Good one, Dwight. I bet Kobe was reeling in pain after busting his gut because of that joke.

I fear that the proximity to Metta World Peace -- who has done his own standup comedy tour -- will influence Howard to start his own standup show. If it does, I think I have an idea of how it'd go.

Hey everyone! It's great to be here. I just flew in to L.A. and boooyyyy are my arms tired!

Heckler: BUT YOU LIVE HERE

Ha, tough crowd I guess. [gulps]

This past year was a tough one, and I don't just mean for me. Just 10 years prior, we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.

Crowd groans

Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash!

By the way, have y'all heard about this Manti Te'o thing? Who knew she was the one Clint Eastwood was yelling at during his convention speech!

Crowd begins to chatter loudly

[speaking louder to overcome audience noise, panicking] DOES ANYONE WANT TO PULL MY FINGER?

Does anyone want to hear my impression of Devin Ebanks?

Silence as everyone who hasn't left the seating area gives him disapproving looks

Has anyone heard the limerick about the man from Nantucket?

A man in the crowd holds his breath until he passes out

Er, uh, I brought a cookie?

The curtain closes