Should the Thunder be playing Kendrick Perkins less? Does Scott Brooks pay attention to plus-minus? Are Kendrick Perkins' hands made of actual stone?
Doesn't matter. We're not here to discuss basketball today. We're taking a break.
Instead, let's take a second to appreciate Kendrick Perkins the human, because no matter what his plus-minus is, he will always be the greatest. One of the hidden bonuses of having the Thunder in the playoffs is getting lots and lots of time with Perk in HD on national television. This gives us all plenty of time to enjoy the magic of Perk in the midst of his grumpy glory days. Who does Grumpy Kendrick Perkins look like?
The Internet has some ideas.
Why Kendrick Perkins look like the green monster from Space Jam— Kevion Blaylock (@Kevionblaylock) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins look like he eat people— Black Jesus(@_ShawonnFields) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins looks like a black Ivan Ooze from the Power Rangers movie.— TJ Willis (@atTJWillis) May 8, 2013
Note: That one's particularly popular.
Kendrick Perkins look like Ivan Ooze from The Power Rangers Movie— WHO IS CHIS? (@CHISelEmDown) May 8, 2013
i still think kendrick perkins looks like ivan ooze from the power rangers lol— David Aguilar (@La_Lengua) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins do look like Ivan Ooze— ㏂ Roddy PipeHer ㏘ (@I_BeRandom) May 8, 2013
What do we think?
Ivan ooze vs. Kendrick Perkins twitter.com/dgaston1/statu…— Darren Gaston (@dgaston1) May 4, 2013
#Notsmooth, that's pretty mean. This is meaner.
Kendrick Perkins looks like Koopa Troopa, and he sucks— WHR (@NoSleeves4Me) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins looks like an overgrown milkdud.— Kameron Alana (@kma2014) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins' face 0.tqn.com/d/geology/1/0/…— Jason Kirk (@JasonKirkSBN) May 8, 2013
There's also the olfactory division of things:
Kendrick Perkins always looks like he just sniffed a big jug of vinegar.— Danny Treinen (@DTreinetyX) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins looks like he's always smelling a fart— Nate Johnson (@TheMindOfNate) May 8, 2013
And so much more:
Why does Kendrick Perkins always look like a little kid that didn't get what he wanted for Christmas?— Slim (@TheRealArgjentG) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins didn't listen to his mom and his face really did stick that way.— Grizzly Bear Blues (@sbnGrizzlies) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins look like the Iron Giant..— Evan Galanis (@EvanMichael___) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins always looks like someone kicked his dog— RandEye Coordination (@Randle_el) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins look like one of dem niggas dat b in da background mean muggin in all black in Gucci Mane/Young Jeezys videos— MIAMI HEATh BAR (@HeafyAitchDee) May 8, 2013
This dude Kendrick Perkins look like eeyore from Winnie the Pooh on everything.— Horace Freeman (@horacefreeman) May 8, 2013
The "?????" division.
Kendrick Perkins look like ah angry cue cumber ctfu— IG:DreadHead_Dre (@Kush_Crazy_Dre) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins looks like a black leprechaun— Trey Gonzales (@trey_gonzales) May 8, 2013
Why does Kendrick Perkins look like a vulture— Franznatoc (@FranzNatoc) May 8, 2013
Kendrick Perkins look like a dried up turtle— PrinceAndretti(@AllexAndretti) May 8, 2013
That last one is probably my favorite. But, before this exercise gave way to a journey down the internet wormhole of Kendrick Perkins jokes, this all began with three observations we loved last night.
Here are the contenders for Most Accurate Perk Doppleganger:
KENDRICK PERKINS LOOK LIKE THE NIGGA YOU GIVE $20 TO AT THE CLUB AND STILL STAND IN LINE LIKE A DICK— The Kid Mero (@THEKIDMERO) May 8, 2013
So there you go.
Now you might be looking for a definitive answer here. Does Perk look like Thomas the Train? Ivan Ooze? The Iron Giant? A dried-up cucumber?
No, no, no. No. Those things look like Perk. He is the stone from which the rest of our universe has been chiseled. And he's also just a lovable, hulking curmudgeon who's out here asking the right questions.
Kendrick Perkins is everything. God bless Kendrick Perkins.