Tuesday was the NBA's rookie photo shoot, which, if you didn't know, is one of the best events of the year. A bunch of NBA young'uns get to hang out in front of cameras, and we get to see the results.
There are weird magical moments where a bunch of people shouldn't be wearing NBA jerseys, but are:
1. Kelly Olynyk is straight up CHOWING and ignoring everybody.
2. Most people have taken one drink, but Kentavious Caldwell-Pope has a Gatorade, an energy drink, and a SmartWater. Public service announcement: You shouldn't leave stuff in the fridge if you don't want Kentavious Caldwell-Pope to drink it.
3. Otto Porter is delivering the "Alas, poor Yorick" speech from Hamlet (h/t Michael Lee whose joke I just stole).
It's also cool because OH MY GOODNESS, JUST GIVE TONY MITCHELL THE NBA DUNK CONTEST RIGHT NOW:
However, in addition to just the coolness of just seeing rookies in their new team duds and rookies doing some of the most impressive dunks imaginable, we were provided with some out-of-context vignettes that I found to be works of art. A gallery of Tweets and Vines from the day:
"KELLY OLYNYK FORGETS HOW TO SHOOT A BASKETBALL"
Or he may just be controlled by a video game player who holds on to the "shoot" button for way too long. Either way, not good news for Boston.
Related: "OTTO PORTER THROWS BALL INTO A FIELD"
When you get to see the making of the sausage, sometimes it isn't so cool. Porter's SWEET JAM picture is actually him running and losing control of the ball.
NERLENS NOEL HAS LOST THE WILL TO GO ON
Whoever was running the NBA Twitter feed had a fun game. He or she clearly went up to every player and said something like "HEY, MAKE A SILLY FACE!" and for the most part, they did, and the pictures got tweeted out with the phrase "What do you think of my new look?"
Sure enough, for the most part, guys made silly faces:
Is his new look the new jersey, or is it his silly face? Hahahahaha! The hijinks!
Nerlens Noel did not enjoy the hijinks:
Nerlens Noel's silly face is staring blankly from what appears to be a completely dark void -- so dark that we cannot even tell where his flattop begins and where it ends -- and feeling what appears to be complete, absolute terror.
I guess what I'm trying to say is he seems pretty pumped to be a Sixer.
JEFF WITHEY IS COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF MOVEMENT
It's terrifying how his eyes follow you in the first two shots, like a creepy old painting. Either way, Jeff Withey is possibly a statue-man and should not be in the NBA.
MASON PLUMLEE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE ROC-A-FELLA SIGN AND/OR IS UNAWARE JAY-Z SOLD THE NETS
Either that or this is the rare "Devil Horns Roc" logo that signifies you have been accepted into the Illuminati. While we're talking about devil horns ...
In Adams' defense, the '80s hair metal craze JUST hit New Zealand.
GIANNIS ADETOKUNBO AND NATE WOLTERS ARE GOING TO KEEP IN TOUCH AFTER SUMMER CAMP ENDS
They traded screen names and everything.
They might have to take their friendship to AIM sooner rather than later, as Wolters was the only player who didn't get a certain something...
Numbers are overrated pic.twitter.com/0ldOoqmcKi— adam figman (@afigman) August 6, 2013
TONY SNELL AND ERIK MURPHY COMPLETELY LACK TEAM CHEMISTRY
Snell was expecting Murphy to return the casual point, and instead the point just gets absorbed into Murphy's "hang loose" gesture, because Murphy hasn't learned to share the ball and/or hand gestures with his new running mate.
ISAIAH CANAAN PRETTY LEGITIMATELY LOSES A DANCE BATTLE TO THE SONG "JUICY" BY NOTORIOUS B.I.G. AGAINST A CHILD WITH A MOHAWK
Also in the "outswagged by a bemohawked toddler" department:
Parents, keep your hair gel and miniature designer suits safely out of the reach of your kids, or they too, could turn into ... well, whoever the hell these kids scampering around NBA rookie photo day are. Actually, you might want to give your kids some hair gel and a miniature designer suit, this seems extraordinarily cool.
SERIOUSLY WE GET IT KELLY OLYNYK YOU HAVE LONG HAIR
We've been looking through NBA rookie pictures for a bit too long, and we're starting to get a little bit sleepy -- oh wait, so is somebody else:
OTTO PORTER FALLS ASLEEP
Good night, rookies.