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Rick Carlisle apologized for calling Chandler Parsons fat, for some reason

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Here is a real statement Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle released to media Sunday afternoon:

Now, let's walk this back. This started with Carlisle needling new Maverick Chandler Parsons over his weight and conditioning after a Dallas preseason game:

"Parsons looked tired out there. His shot was short. He's working on losing some weight. He's a little heavier than he's been. He's up over 230 and we'd like to see him get down to at least 225. That's a work in progress. Tonight was one of those nights where I think the extra weight was a hindrance."

Whether or not he is in perfect condition for his role on the court, Parsons has the physique of a statue of a Backstreet Boy, and wordlessly noted as much with an Instagram reply:

(The caption is a pig emoji.)

And that's how we end up with Coach Carlisle issuing an over-the-top statement praising Parsons and chastising himself for behavior "beneath the dignity of a championship organization." He stopped short of saying "Chandler's abs are an integral part of our franchise, and I deeply regret insinuating they are anything other than cut and sexy."

And *why*, exactly did Carlisle feel compelled to tuck his tail between his legs after comments that, however uncouth, were well within his purview as Parsons' boss? Well, probably because there's another boss, and that boss is Mark Cuban, and Mark Cuban spent a great deal of effort, money, and Drakkar Noir signing Parsons in a nightclub this summer. Probably not a good idea to upset the high-price new guy, especially when he's represented by power agent Dan Fegan.

This is not a big deal and will surely blow over. It's just funny to see a great coach get all contrite over some pretty mild comments about a tummy.

Update: Here's Carlisle's follow-up explanation!