UPDATE: U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan led the East team to a 60-56 win over the West.
The NBA All-Star Celebrity Game is always a bit ridiculous, and lately it's had a bit too much Kevin Hart. Neither of those things is going to change this year, when Bill Simmons' West squad takes on Jalen Rose's East. The two "coaches" recently drafted their rosters, via Grantland's YouTube channel:
If you don't want to watch a 10-minute video about the Celebrity Game, we can't blame you, so here are your celebrities:
Nick Cannon, America's Got Talent host, who had a supporting role in a movie called Ball Don't Lie starring Grayson "The Professor" Boucher of AND1 mixtape fame.
Arne Duncan, U.S. Secretary of Education, who played in the Australian NBL and will throw some nifty lefty passes.
Mike Greenberg, one half of ESPN Radio's Mike & Mike, who will surely be lost at sea without his broadcast partner.
Columbus Short, who plays Harrison Wright on Scandal and played in BET's Celebrity Game last year. Doug Christie did, too. Who knew?
Kristen Ledlow, NBA Inside Stuff co-host, who played volleyball at Southeastern University.
Stan Verrett, ESPN anchor, who guaranteed that he won't throw down. :(
Elena Delle Donne, Chicago Sky forward, WNBA All-Star and Rookie of the Year, who could dominate this thing if she tries even a little bit.
Bruce Bowen, ex-Spurs forward and current ESPN analyst, who I hope will guard Kevin Hart all game.
Wale, local rapper.
Assistant coach: Brandon Franklin, contest winner.
Kevin Hart, two-time Celebrity Game MVP, who is as loud as he is short.
Terrence Jenkins, E! News anchor, who just got back from jumping around in Sochi.
Mike Golic, one half of ESPN Radio's Mike & Mike, who will surely be lost at sea without his broadcast partner.
Michael B. Jordan, star of Fruitvale Station, who you probably loved in The Wire, Friday Night Lights and maybe even Parenthood. No, I will not mention That Awkward Moment. Wait. Dammit.
Erin Heatherton, Victoria's Secret model, who played a basketball coach in The League.
Jesse Williams, who plays Dr. Jackson Avery on Grey's Anatomy and likes to joke about looking like Tony Parker.
Skylar Diggins, Tulsa Shock guard, who, like Delle Donne, can probably do whatever she wants in this game.
Tamika Catchings, Indiana Fever forward and seven-time WNBA All-Star … this team gets two active professional basketball players? Not fair.
TBD-CELEB, who I'm hoping is Damian Lillard. It's not all the events if you skip the Celebrity Game, Dame.
Assistant coach: Zach Lowe, Grantland NBA writer and mascot aficionado.
The 2014 NBA All-Star Celebrity Game will air on ESPN on Friday, Feb. 14 at 7 p.m. ET at Sprint Arena at NBA All-Star Jam Session. I've got my money on the West, but only because I'm assuming Lillard will show up and score 92 points. If Lillard isn't TBD-Celeb, I'll go with the East and with Delle Donne for MVP.