The letter grade scale is so 20th century. It's the NBA trade deadline, so we're going to grade any deals that happen on a truly modern scale: emoji. Here's our Emoji Rating System, which will be updated throughout the day as trades are finalized. (New ones will also be at the top.) Enjoy.
DANNY GRANGER & A FUTURE SECOND TO THE SIXERS
EVAN TURNER & LAVOY ALLEN TO THE PACERS
Danny Granger goes from Indiana, the only team he's ever played for and a legit title contender, to the second-worst team in the NBA in full-on tank mode. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. Larry Bird is not getting a Christmas present.
Granger's Emoji Rating:
Young Evan Turner goes from a team that had been trying to get rid of him despite being at the bottom of the standings to a team hoping he can contribute in the playoffs before he hits free agency. What a huge upgrade for The Villain.
Turner's Emoji Rating:
Lavoy Allen gets to hang out with his old pal/mentor Andrew Bynum again!
Allen's Emoji Rating:
If Philadelphia didn't swing this move, they'd have been about $6 million under the NBA salary floor. That means that the team would have been "fined" that $6 million, which the penalty being split proportionally among players on the roster. Thad Young, for example, would have gotten a $1 million bonus out of it. But nope. Granger puts them at the floor. Done.
Other Sixers' Players' Emoji Rating:
SAVES THE DAYE
NANDO DE COLO TO THE RAPTORS
AUSTIN DAYE TO THE SPURS
The 26-year-old De Colo is third on the Spurs' point guard depth chart, and he'll be third on the Raptors' point guard depth chart. He doesn't have a guaranteed contract for next year. This is still not great. While Toronto is gorgeous, so is a legit chance at a championship ring. A wash.
De Colo's Emoji Rating:
Austin Daye has been invisible this season. He's either the Spurs' latest reclamation project or on his way on out of the league. Given San Antonio's track record, Daye should have some hope.
Daye's Emoji Rating:
DONALD STERLING TAX CUT 2: REVENGE OF HAWES
BYRON MULLENS TO THE SIXERS
SOMETHING NEGLIGIBLE TO THE CLIPPERS
Byron Mullens signed a two-year minimum deal to be the Clippers' stretch five off the bench. He's been horrid and unused. He's replacing Spencer Hawes in Philadelphia. Maybe things will work out!
Mullens' Emoji Rating:
DONALD STERLING TAX CUT
ANTAWN JAMISON TO THE HAWKS
SOMETHING NEGLIGIBLE TO THE CLIPPERS
Jamison signed a one-year minimum deal with L.A. late in free agency. Now he got traded to a different team. He has to move and get accustomed to a new system, or retire. What a world!
Jamison's Emoji Rating:
THE REQUISITE MOREY TRADE
JORDAN HAMILTON TO THE ROCKETS
AARON BROOKS TO THE NUGGETS
Hamilton plays a good bit in Denver, and he'll fall in behind Francisco Garcia, Omri Casspi and friends off the Houston bench. He's still just 23 and will be a free agent in July. This is a pretty solid opportunity to show his stuff on a higher-profile team.
Hamilton's Emoji Rating:
Brooks has now been traded twice and waived once by Houston. Pro-tip for Aaron Brooks: stop signing free agent contracts with Houston.
Brooks' Emoji Rating:
LARRY SANDERS' REVENGE
GARY NEAL & LUKE RIDNOUR TO THE BOBCATS
RAMON SESSIONS & JEFF ADRIEN TO THE BUCKS
Gary Neal has clashed with Bucks teammates amid all the losing, and has wanted a trade. The Bobcats aren't the best club out there, but they are heaps better than Milwaukee, and Neal will be used quite a bit, in all likelihood.
Neal's Emoji Rating:
Ridnour should pick up most of Sessions' minutes, which were substantial (25ish per game). Given that Charlotte's playoff-bound and the Bucks are really awful, that's not a bad result.
Ridnour's Emoji Rating:
Oh no, Ramon. We're so sorry.
Sessions' Emoji Rating:
Assuming he isn't waived, a third of a season in Milwaukee will be excellent grist for Adrien's postmodern tale of society's struggles with animalian identity. (Working title: Hugo, Rufus and Pierre.)
Adrien's Emoji Rating:
THE PROFESSOR GOES TO WASHINGTON
ANDRE MILLER TO THE WIZARDS
JAN VESELY TO THE NUGGETS
2 SECOND-ROUND PICKS & ERIC MAYNOR TO THE SIXERS
Miller was totally done with Brian Shaw and the Nuggets, and has wanted out. He gets his wish. Unfortunately, his reprieve is Randy Wittman, which could totally go wrong. He's also going to be responsible in the eyes of the local media as the locker room leader of the team. He's old, sure, and smart as heck. But he's never actually been a locker room leader, has he? He's fought with every coach he's ever had and abandoned at least one team. So maybe everyone is happy now, but we'll see.
Miller's Emoji Rating:
I don't know if Vesely likes to party, but, you know. Also, he's reunited with JaVale McGee, which can never be a bad thing. D.C. has been such a drag since McGee, Nick Young and Blatche left and they got all concerned with "fielding a moderately successful team."
Vesely's Emoji Rating:
"Hey buddy. We're trading you to the Sixers where you'll caddy for Michael Carter-Williams and Tony Wroten. Best of luck to you."
Maynor's Emoji Rating:
HOW U LIKE FREE AGENCY AGAIN
ROGER MASON JR. & CASH TO THE KINGS
A HEAVILY PROTECTED SECOND & TAX RELIEF TO THE HEAT
The Heat shipped Money Mase and, well, money to the Kings to escape some luxury tax. Mason had played in 25 games for Miami this season. Reports suggest the Kings will immediately waive him so he can sign with whatever team will have him. That will not be the presumptive title favorite based in the most glamorous NBA city. What a bummer.
Mason's Emoji Rating:
SPENCER HAWES TO THE CAVALIERS
EARL CLARK & 2 SECOND-ROUND PICKS TO THE SIXERS
Hawes goes from a horrible team that intends to be horrible to an iffy team trying to be good. He'll be asked to stretch the floor (which he can do) and defend (which he has absolutely no interest in doing consistently). But semi-frequent wins are better than incredibly infrequent wins. However, it comes at the cost of leaving the birthplace of America, a major issue for Hawes.
Hawes' Emoji Rating:
Clark was averaging 15 minutes per game in Cleveland. That should soar in Philly, depending on what else the Sixers do on Thursday. Sims has been strapped to the bench, so change is probably good there, too. That said, the dudes are going to a team trying its damnedest trying not to hit 20 wins.
Clark and Sims' Emoji Rating:
THE ARCANE TRADE
STEVE BLAKE TO THE WARRIORS
KENT BAZEMORE & MARSHON BROOKS TO THE LAKERS
Blake has the potential to make a difference for a playoff team, and could get big minutes as the new Jarrett Jack. That said, this is his eighth NBA team in 12 years.
Blake's Emoji Rating:
Bazemore will have a total blast partying with Nick Young and Robert Sacre on the sidelines. (Just avoid Kobe's gaze, man.) Brooks can be Mike D'Antoni's latest reclamation project.
Bazemore and Brooks' Emoji Rating:
MARCUS THORNTON TO THE NETS
JASON TERRY & REGGIE EVANS TO THE KINGS
Thornton moves to a playoff team where he gets to play with his personal hero, Joe Johnson. He also is now in line to sign a $40 million deal with the Nets once his current contract expires, because Prokhorov.
Thornton's Emoji Rating:
Terry and Evans weren't playing much in Brooklyn, and they might not play a ton in Sacramento either. Or they might. Who knows? Getting traded to a lottery team on the opposite coast seems like a bad day, though.
Terry and Evans' Emoji Rating: