The Federal Communications Commission receives a lot of complaints, and some of them are about LeBron James' penis. After the King flashed his court jester during an NBA Finals broadcast on June 11, SB Nation filed a records request for any complaints about James' previously unequalled degree of national exposure.
To our shock, the American public made few complaints about the indiscretion. They ranged from the completely sincere to the succinct and included one person who obviously reads sports websites.
The FCC's list of complaints follows.
1. "No more penis please!"
I am shocked and appalled! I was watching the NBA final with my small kids on ABC's TV channel and prior to the start of Game 4 on Thursday 11 June 2015, ABC showed my children the penis of Lebron James. This is unacceptable. I don't want my kids looking at male genitalia on broadcast television. I am OK with seeing cis female mammary glands, labia, vagina, etc, over broadcast TV but no more penis please!
I was watching game 4 of the NBA finals last night on ABC, and the camera had a close up on LeBron James, who was adjusting his shorts, and then pulled down his boxers and the camera had a close up of his tallywacker. This is the type of stuff I would expect from Game of Thrones, but not from the American Broadcasting Channel. At least I now know that I am bigger than the purportedly "biggest" star in the NBA...
3. A complaint about an entirely different show on an entirely different medium not featuring LeBron James' penis at all, actually.
This morning on Z-100 Elvis Duran morning show, Elvis Duran was discussing in lengthy detail the size of his penis in comparison to his on-air colleagues. The group then went on to discuss and describe Lebron James penis which they have seen online and all expressed envy and awe. It was prurient and totally inappropriate for the morning drive. Elvis Duran (a self-described homosexual) also said he would "rather have sex with a woman" than one of his male colleagues. I found that statement degrading and demeaning to women.
4. The factual snitch without spellcheck
During the game list night, LeBron James exposed himself to the cameras
5. The person who sent in a complaint knowing that eventually a sports blog would request the open records and see it and wonder why someone went to the absurd lengths of posting an FCC complaint just to make a joke that could have been made on social media.
LeBron James showed his dick on natonal television and completeley ruined my tinder date. It made us late for laser tag because i had to rewind it a few times to make sure thats exactly what we saw so we missed our bus. He clearly did it on purpose and hes not as good as Michael Jordan
The complainant here also listed the TV station being watched at the time.
In sum: The American people have seen the genitals of a famous athlete briefly. They were completely unfazed by the experience. Clearly, as a nation, we are growing and showing it.