Ranking the intrigue of all 241 players on NBA playoff rosters

Welcome to the 2016 NBA Playoffs. We doubt you need help getting hyped up, but juust in case you have a bit of a hangover from Kobe's big night or the Warriors' record-breaking season, we're here for you. We ranked all 241 players on official playoff rosters by the highly scientific measure of INTRIGUE, grouped in super-relevant tiers. Enjoy.

Nah

241. Aaron Harrison, Hornets
240. Branden Dawson, Clippers
239. Glenn Robinson III, Pacers
238. Josh Huestis, Thunder
237. Tim Hardaway Jr., Hawks
236. Ty Lawson, Pacers

Injured

235. Brandan Wright, Grizzlies
234. Chandler Parsons, Mavericks
233. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Hornets
232. Mike Conley, Grizzlies

[Deep Sigh]

231. Chris Bosh, Heat
230. Marc Gasol, Grizzlies

Gasol is definitely out for the playoffs, and there's no sign Bosh is ready to come back.

TMZ All-Star

229. Matt Barnes, Grizzlies

Come Again?

228. Joe Young, Pacers
227. John Holland, Celtics
226. Jordan McRae, Cavaliers
225. Lamar Patterson, Hawks
224. Lorenzo Brown, Pistons
223. Pat Connaughton, Blazers
222. Spencer Dinwiddie, Pistons
221. Troy Daniels, Hornets

Memphis M.A.S.H. Unit

220. Bryce Cotton, Grizzlies
219. Jarell Martin, Grizzlies
218. Jordan Adams, Grizzlies
217. Jordan Farmar, Grizzlies
216. Xavier Munford, Grizzlies
215. JaMychal Green, Grizzlies

He's In The League?!

214. Andrew Goudelock, Rockets
213. Brian Roberts, Blazers
212. Charlie Villanueva, Mavericks
211. Chris Kaman, Blazers
210. Darrun Hilliard, Pistons
209. JaVale McGee, Mavericks
208. Jeff Ayres, Clippers
207. Joel Anthony, Pistons
206. Jorge Gutierrez, Hornets
205. Kirk Hinrich, Hawks
204. Kris Humphries, Hawks
203. Nazr Mohammed, Thunder
202. Rakeem Christmas, Pacers
201. Richard Jefferson, Cavaliers
200. Sasha Kaun, Cavaliers
199. Steve Blake, Pistons

White Hornets

198. Cody Zeller, Hornets
197. Spencer Hawes, Hornets
196. Tyler Hansbrough, Hornets
195. Frank Kaminsky, Hornets

Honorary White Hornets

194. Josh McRoberts, Heat
193. Mason Plumlee, Blazers
192. Meyers Leonard, Blazers
191. Mike Muscala, Hawks
190. Mitch McGary, Thunder
189. Tyler Zeller, Celtics

These men belong on the Hornets!

Eh

188. Terry Rozier, Celtics
187. Andre Roberson, Thunder
186. Gerald Green, Heat
185. Gerald Henderson, Blazers
184. Mike Scott, Hawks
183. James Johnson, Raptors
182. Rodney Stuckey, Pacers
181. Terrence Jones, Rockets
180. Terrence Ross, Raptors
179. Wesley Johnson, Clippers
178. Kyle Singler, Thunder
177. Austin Rivers, Clippers

Employed Due To Height

176. Cole Aldrich, Clippers
175. Jordan Hill, Pacers
174. Lavoy Allen, Pacers
173. Solomon Hill, Pacers
172. Timofey Mozgov, Cavaliers

Better in Theory Than in Practice

171. Anthony Morrow, Thunder

Extremely Late Roster Additions

170. Briante Weber, Heat
169. Dahntay Jones, Cavaliers
168. Dorell Wright, Heat

These guys all joined their playoff teams this week.

Irrelevant Warriors

167. Anderson Varejao, Warriors
166. Brandon Rush, Warriors
165. Ian Clark, Warriors
164. James Michael McAdoo, Warriors
163. Kevon Looney, Warriors
162. Leandro Barbosa, Warriors

No offense to the Brazilian Blur or Andy V., but let's be real.

Cagey Vets

161. Anthony Tolliver, Pistons
160. Chris Andersen, Grizzlies
159. Courtney Lee, Hornets
158. David Lee, Mavericks
157. James Jones, Cavaliers
156. Jason Terry, Rockets
155. Jason Thompson, Raptors
154. Jodie Meeks, Pistons
153. Joe Johnson, Heat
152. Luc Mbah a Moute, Clippers
151. Luis Scola, Raptors
150. Mo Williams, Cavaliers
149. Randy Foye, Thunder
148. Udonis Haslem, Heat
147. David West, Spurs
146. Al Jefferson, Hornets
145. Amare Stoudemire, Heat
144. Luol Deng, Heat
143. Jamal Crawford, Clippers
142. Amir Johnson, Celtics

Mean Euros

141. Jonas Jerebko, Celtics
140. Jonas Valanciunas, Raptors
139. Zaza Pachulia, Mavericks

Honorary Mean Euros

138. Pablo Prigioni, Clippers
137. Salah Mejri, Mavericks
136. Tiago Splitter, Hawks

Cool Jeremies

135. Jeremy Evans, Mavericks
134. Jeremy Lamb, Hornets
133. Jeremy Lin, Hornets

But really, does there exist an uncool Jeremy?

Fun Trail Blazers

132. Luis Montero, Blazers
131. Maurice Harkless, Blazers

Amazing Frenchmen

130. Boris Diaw, Spurs
129. Nicolas Batum, Hornets
128. Tony Parker, Spurs

Honorary Amazing Frenchmen

127. Thabo Sefolosha, Hawks

Spurs Gems

126. Jonathan Simmons, Spurs
125. Kevin Martin, Spurs
124. Kyle Anderson, Spurs

Mavericks Rejuvenation Machine

123. Raymond Felton, Mavericks
122. Deron Williams,Mavericks
121. Devin Harris, Mavericks

Honorary Aussie Kiwi Alliance

120. Nick Collison, Thunder
119. Shayne Whittington, Pacers

Collison is basically an American Australian. And I'm stunned that with that name and beard Whittington is from Michigan and not Brisbane.

Aussie Kiwi Alliance

118. Aron Baynes, Pistons
117. Matthew Dellavedova, Cavaliers
116. Patty Mills, Spurs
115. Steven Adams, Thunder

Heroes of the Shire

114. Matt Bonner, Spurs

Still the NBA's only New Hampshirite!

Basketball PhD

113. Andre Miller, Spurs

The doctor is still taking patients.

First Team All Initials

112. R.J. Hunter, Celtics
111. K.J. McDaniels, Rockets
110. P.J. Hairston, Grizzlies
109. J.R. Smith, Cavaliers
108. J.J. Barea, Mavericks
107. J.J. Redick, Clippers

Grimey

106. Patrick Beverley, Rockets
105. Tony Allen, Grizzlies
104. Zach Randolph, Grizzlies

If anyone suffers a facial injury in the playoffs, blame these dudes.

Awesome Young Raptors

103. Bruno Caboclo, Raptors
102. Delon Wright, Raptors
101. Lucas Noguiera, Raptors
100. Norman Powell, Raptors

These dudes will dunk on you, America. Viciously.

Honorary Awesome Young Raptors

99. Walter Tavares, Hawks

You know it's gonna happen.

Nice Hair

98. Dennis Schroder, Hawks
97. Iman Shumpert, Cavaliers

Has It All

96. Monta Ellis, Pacers

Mercenary With a Ring

95. Michael Beasley, Rockets

Maddening

94. Jeff Green, Clippers
93. Josh Smith, Rockets
92. Lance Stephenson, Grizzlies

Neat Canadians

91. Cory Joseph, Raptors
90. Kelly Olynyk, Celtics

Impactful Role Players

89. C.J. Miles, Pacers
88. Marcus Morris, Pistons
87. Corey Brewer, Rockets
86. George Hill, Pacers
85. Trevor Ariza, Rockets
84. Al-Farouq Aminu, Blazers
83. Kyle Korver, Hawks
82. Marvin Williams, Hornets
81. Enes Kanter, Thunder
80. Ed Davis, Blazers
79. Patrick Patterson, Raptors
78. Danny Green, Spurs
77. Shaun Livingston
76. Andrew Bogut, Warriors

Gets Buckets

75. Marreese Speights, Warriors

Intriguing Via Youth

74. Cliff Alexander, Blazers
73. CJ Wilcox, Clippers
72. Noah Vonleh, Blazers
71. James Young, Celtics
70. Jordan Mickey, Celtics
69. Montrezl Harrell, Rockets
68. Tyler Johnson, Heat
67. Reggie Bullock, Pistons
66. Sam Dekker, Rockets
65. Justin Anderson, Mavericks
64. Dwight Powell, Mavericks
63. Clint Capela, Rockets
62. Josh Richardson, Heat
61. Stanley Johnson, Pistons
60. Marcus Smart, Celtics
59. Tobias Harris, Pistons
58. Myles Turner, Pacers

Tall Free Agents of Intrigue

49. Ian Mahinmi, Pacers
48. Jared Sullinger, Celtics
47. Donatas Motiejunas, Rockets
46. Dwight Howard, Rockets
45. Hassan Whiteside, Heat

There's obviously a gulf between Mahinmi and Whiteside, and I'm loathe to group a character as fascinating as D-Ho in there, but it is what it is.

Men of Mystery

44. DeMarre Carroll, Raptors
43. Festus Ezeli, Warriors

They could be vital to their teams' ultimate success, or they could rack up DNPs due to health. Who knows?

Harrison Barnes

42. Harrison Barnes, Warriors

Harrison Barnes.

Hook All-Stars

41. Bismack Biyombo, Raptors
40. Evan Turner, Celtics
39. Dion Waiters, Thunder
38. Allen Crabbe, Blazers

My favorite non-superstars in the league. Biyombo and Turner are good despite being labeled busts. Dion Waiters is a mini Kobe without, you know, the success. Allen Crabbe is life.

Dap Genius

37. Cameron Payne, Thunder

The Potential Keystone

36. Channing Frye, Cavaliers
35. Tristan Thompson, Cavaliers

If the Cavaliers think they are beating the Warriors in the Finals, it is for one of three reasons or some combination thereof: They'll have Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving this time, the Warriors will be worn down by the West powers and because Tristan Thompson will chase everyone everywhere while Channing Frye drills those corner threes off LeBron passes.

These dudes are so fun.

BOBAN

25. Boban Marjanovic, Spurs

Boban.

BAZEMORE

24. Kent Bazemore, Hawks

Bazemore!

Young Stars' First Taste

23. Justise Winslow, Heat
22. Kemba Walker, Hornets
21. Andre Drummond, Pistons

I'm taking some liberties with Winslow on this list, but he sure performed well under bright lights at Duke last season. I'm excited.

Legends

20. Vince Carter, Grizzlies
19. Manu Ginobili, Spurs
18. Paul Pierce, Clippers
17. Dirk Nowitzki, Mavericks
16. Tim Duncan, Spurs

Think any of them will take 50 field goal attempts in a game this postseason?

Superstars

15. Dwyane Wade, Heat
14. Kawhi Leonard, Spurs
13. Klay Thompson, Warriors
12. Paul George, Pacers
11. Damian Lillard, Blazers
10. Draymond Green, Warriors
9. Russell Westbrook, Thunder

Yes, please.

Superstars Under Fire

8. Chris Paul, Clippers
7. James Harden, Rockets
6. Kyrie Irving, Cavaliers
5. Kevin Love, Cavaliers
4. Blake Griffin, Clippers

This is an important postseason for all of these stars. CP3 still has a really weird albatross about playoff success around his neck. Harden has a horror season despite putting up huge stats; his reputation needs a salve. Irving and Love continue to struggle to live up to LeBron's very public expectations. And Griffin? Yeah, he needs this to go well after the season he had.

The King

3. LeBron James, Cavaliers

Maybe the East playoffs don't move the needle in the aggregate, but any time King James is on the court in the playoffs, it sure as hell is worth watching. And the way he's been playing the last month? Woo boy. Let's go.

Superstar With A Very Interesting Summer Ahead

2. Kevin Durant, Thunder

We can't know whether what happens to Durant and the Thunder over the next one to two months actually matters. Perhaps he's already decided to stay in OKC one more year to line up his free agency with that of Russell Westbrook; perhaps he's hitting the open market regardless. But you have to believe that how the Thunder do here will impact the color of Durant's decision, his feelings heading in. As such, all eyes will be on how he and Westbrook carry the team together.

The GOOT (Greatest Of Our Time)

1. Stephen Curry, Warriors

As he proved all season long, if Stephen Curry is on a basketball court -- or hell, near a basketball court -- you'd best pay close attention, because absolutely anything can and will happen. Last year represented Curry's first deep playoff run. There were obvious jitters in the Finals. You think Steph has a single frayed nerve in his body after going 73-9, after shooting 50/40/90, after hitting 400 threes? Nope, nope, nope. Get ready to believe in something not of this world. Again.

Better Than a Video Game: NBA 2K16 can't keep up with Stephen Curry

Be sure to subscribe to SB Nation's YouTube channel for highlight videos, features, analysis and more