Lonzo Ball wore pork chop drawers to the wrong party

Lonzo Ball is incredibly hyped as a rookie, in part because he is legitimately exciting as a prospect and in part because his dad is always on TV telling everyone that Lonzo is as good as Stephen Curry, et cetera.

Some had wondered if LaVar Ball had put a target on his son's back ahead of his NBA debut. Well, he did for at least one player.

The Clippers' Patrick Beverley -- who told us he was going to make life difficult for Lonzo in advance -- completely tortured the kid in his team's 108-92 win over the Lakers on Thursday. Ball finished his debut with three points on 1-of-6 shooting, with nine rebounds, four assists, and two turnovers. He was just miserable most of the time on offense because Beverley was all over him (as Beverley often is to opposing point guards).

The Clippers were altogether quite good. Blake Griffin was popping threes and unleashing helldunks. DeAndre Jordan, who is donating $1,000 for every rebound this year to Houston hurricane relief funds, had 24 boards. But all night long, Beverley's torture chamber was what drew your attention.

Famed poet Snoop Dogg put it best on Lonzo:

Scores Galore ...

CHI 100, TOR 117

NYK 84, OKC 105

LAC 108, LAL 92

... And So Much More

Jeremy Lin is out for the year after popping his knee in the opener. Ugh.

Lakers boss Magic Johnson is a prominent member of the Dodgers' ownership group, so during the Lakers' season opener he just watched the baseball playoff game. Smart move.

The Thunder had little problem with the Knicks, surprising no one.

Yes, it was the Bulls, but the Raptors looked quite good in Game 1.

A fascinating look at how a Danny Ainge joke about Yi Jianlian working out against a chair turned into prominent sportswriters believing they had actually seen video of Yi facing off against a chair. If you had asked me yesterday whether I'd seen video of Yi vs. Chair, I would have said no but believed it to be true based on a report from someone who did it. Seeing this traced back to an Ainge joke is mind-bending.

The Pistons are finally back in downtown Detroit, but fans did not fill up the arena for the season opener. Hmm.

The Hawks are hiring Michelle Leftwich from the league office for a top job in their front office. She becomes one of the most powerful basketball-side women in the league.

What a bizarre video the Mavericks produced and showed before their opener on Wednesday! In it, a sentient American flag claims to have been party to all of the Mavericks' historic moments (with the notable exclusion of the 2007 playoffs) and eventually asks fans to stand for the anthem. Everything is just weird here, from the voice chosen for the flag, the highlights, the call to action, the inordinate focus on Mark Cuban, the basic premise, the production value ... bad choices, y'all.

Here are 13 reasons to watch Lonzo this season even if you can't stand his dad.

Excellent profile of Zion Williamson from Ricky O'Donnell, looking specifically at whether he can thrive in the NBA.

A bizarre moment from Wednesday when all five Suns began running at the exact same moment.

Ben Simmons can't shoot. That doesn't mean he can't still be dominant.

I wrote about our capacity for sympathy in the face of catastrophic injuries to high-paid players as it pertains to Gordon Hayward and the booing of Chandler Parsons.

DID YOU KNOW: Fake Klay Thompson is actually a prominent YouTube star.

Who got next?

ESPN's Friday doubleheader features Cavaliers at Bucks at 7 p.m. ET and Warriors at Pelicans at 9:30. On Saturday NBA TV has Warriors at Grizzlies at 8 p.m. ET and Suns at Clippers at 10:30. The requisite Sunday matinee on League is Hawks at Nets; enjoy the outdoors, please.

Be excellent to each other.