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The NBA’s HORSE competitors, ranked by internet quality

Nobody’s was great!

NBA and WNBA players, along with ESPN, tried really hard to give us some new sports to talk about while the world remains in quarantine due to the spread of Covid-19. They really did. But a pre-recorded game of HORSE was really, really tough to watch.

HORSE in general isn’t too exciting. To make matters worse, the quality of the broadcast was horrendous. The videos lagged due to internet cutouts and shook because of the wind on the outdoor courts. Of course, that’s to be expected as nobody was prepared for a situation like this. It’s nobody’s fault.

But hell, it was funny.

Here are the eight HORSE competitors, ranked by quality of internet.

8. Trae Young

Young filmed himself with a potato. There’s no other way to describe it. The camera lagged and the wind rattled in each frame. Was he on a sidekick 3? I have no idea.

Please get better internet, Trae.

Did I mention he also blew a 3-0 letter lead?

Twitter was relentless:

7. Tamika Catchings

Catchings was shooting out in the wind on a cold Indiana day, so that camera was WHIPPING. She propped it up on a ladder, and it was not great.

6. Chauncey Billups

Lag city! Billups had the benefit of being the better half against Young at least.

5. Paul Pierce

Pierce’s stream wasn’t anything special, but he didn’t come out with a camcorder or like binoculars, and he didn’t make a dad joke? So that’s a win. We’ll give him fifth.

4. Chris Paul

Paul had his son, Chris Jr., out to do interviews and even shared an AirPod with him. That’s high-tech for dads! He had two cameras working, too.

3. Zach LaVine

LaVine had a steady stream, and a partner to record closer to the rim to prove he touched the rim on trick shots. It was pretty smooth!

2. Allie Quigley

Quigley had her wife and fellow All-Star Chicago Sky guard, Courtney Vandersloot, shooting on a second camera, to give another angle. Genius. Excellent marital and basketball chemistry.

We thank you, Sloot.

1. Mike Conley

Conley cheated, I swear. He was the only player to shoot INDOORS! What a ridiculous advantage both in the shooting competition, and internet competition.