This Week In Schadenfreude: Sad People Dressed Up Like Corn

Last year, Nebraska lost the Big 12 Championship Game on a literal last-second field goal that anyone who's ever worn a block N will tell you came after the game was over. Bo Pelini was all ffffffuuuuuu in the aftermath. In the offseason, Nebraska decided it was fed up with the Texas-dominated Big 12 that had stolen its Oklahoma rivalry, stuck them in a North division the equivalent of a dusty Big East, and then stolen their mojo.

So they left. Nebraska will be in the Big 10 next year. Saturday was their last chance to stick it to the Texas, and it was kind of a big deal. They had wristbands for the game: this was cancer serious. Victory over Texas would make Nebraska's Big 12 departure a victory. Defeat would be forever.

20-13, Texas, and the internet is flooded with pictures of sad people in corn outfits. Seriously:

Sad people. Sad people representing corn. Sad people representing and blogging about corn titling their posts…

The World Did Not End But I Sure As Hell Wish It Had

There's only one thing worse than getting up in the morning with a really nasty hangover, and that's getting up to discover that, yes, Nebraska lost again to Texas, the world didn't end, and somehow life must go on.

This is misery strong enough to overcome No. 1 going down for the second straight week; Nebraska wins the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness. And they manage to check off This Is Like Insert Old Coach Here despite going to the Big 12 title game last year:

Shawn Watson..the only coach left for the "worthless!" Callahan era...enough said!!!

I am so sick of this worthless offence. It is not Lee, and Green is not the answer at this point. We are just a weak offence period and it is due to leadership in my opinion. The Callahan era had no "Balls" and it showed. Our offence at this point is the same way. NO BALLS AND AT THIS POINT NO HUSKER HEART!

Callahan cancer is still effecting us 2 years later.

This gets roundly criticized, FWIW, as does the other Fire Position Coach Now post. Nebraska still controls their own destiny when it comes to the Big 12 Championship Game; cliff jumping starts in earnest after the next loss, if there is one.

The rest of the week in spleen:

ACC

Two weeks ago NC State was an ACC title contender. This week they're coming off a loss to East Carolina, which isn't even a state. I'm not sure if this poster is talking about his internet compatriots or the team:

tjfoose1 Says:
October 16th, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Well, at least we are consistent in the knee jerk ignorance department.

I lean towards the former, though. Making matters worse, there is apparently an ECU-NCSU trophy for god knows what reason. It's a barrel. It is distressingly pirate-themed. It's probably not an actual rivalry trophy but something ECU carries around in case they beat a BCS team. Which they did.

The rest of the league was par for the course save some struggles for Miami against Duke, but Virginia did get clobbered by a still-shorthanded UNC team. In the aftermath, the Hoos are down to the helmets when it comes to positives:

Positives:
- The new, more metallic blue helmets look really sharp during night games under the lights.
Negatives:
- The defense.
- The offense, other than Keith Payne.
- The special teams.
- The coaching, probably.
- Orange-on-orange uniform combo.
- The defense.

The players are "fired from uniform selection duties," which is advice Oregon should take.

Big East

With Louisville still in a new coach honeymoon and not expecting much after getting Kragthorped, misery in the Big East falls to South Florida and their Napoleonic artillery piece of a quarterback, BJ Daniels. You know Daniels is going to do some explosive things in every game but you have no idea if the shells are going to land in your troops or theirs. Except these days you do know:

I just laughed at that last pick

---

I'm gonna submit "BJ Daniels" to be a synonym for "interception" to Merriam-Webster Thesaurus.

In a "BENCH Bj Daniels!!!" thread the question "for who?" is asked, causing a totally different poster to use erratic capitalization and punctuation in response: "Put ANYONE in there THATs WHO!!!!!" Another thread has the exact same exchange except the response is:

"A turd or a **** sandwich." 

Welcome to Michigan 2008, South Florida.

Big Ten

Ohio State's shockingly meek effort against Wisconsin saw the Badgers dominate both lines of scrimmage en route to a 31-18 win; it was the first time since the 2006 Football Armageddon game between No. 1 OSU and No. 2 Michigan that the Buckeyes had given up more than 30 in the Big Ten. Even this is not enough for certain message boarders to remember Nick Toon's last name:

Our defense got DESTROYED. Our line was owned by their line. Checkwa was owned by Poon (seriously? nice name). Overall, they were way TOUGHER than we were and wanted to win the game more than we did. This SURPRISED the HE// out of me. I never saw this one coming.

No, not seriously. This is an attempted joke. Also an attempted joke: the OSU defensive line. ZING. Some guy asks "Hey D-Line how does it feel to be thrown around like a bunch of discarded rags?" This leads to Ellipses Man Writes Ellipses Post:

They played high all night...no penetrations...no adjustments....no pressure...no anything...did we think wisconsin was going to not run the ball at us??????? they ran off tackle left and right, dive after dive and a wideout screen!!!!!! Their QB cant throw it 20 yards!!!!!! most dissappointing effort since florida in 07.....no energy, no passion, no fire, NOTHING!!

This does is kind of amazing, but not as amazing as This Guy:

JT, DT, JB and JH, please pack your bags

---

and get the hell out of Columbus at season end. We have had enough of your subpar coaching and beat downs on national tv. You clowns are in way over your heads. I'm sure YSU would welcome all of you.

That's the offensive line coach (Jim Bollman), the defensive coordinator (Jim Heacock), the running backs coach (Dick Tressel), and the man himself Jim Tressel. This guy is torn to shreds because he is the This Guy, Eh? of the week, but not everyone thinks this complete nutcase is a complete nutcase: "Tressel is an egotistical control freak that will not replace Bollman and will continue to call the plays." Also:

Stupid play-calling, unprepared, and so on and so forth.
FIRE THE FRAUD and his buddies.
He is what he is. A MAC coach with unlimited resources.
Jim FRAUD Tressel....3.5 million, give me a break. Getting over like Madoff.
FRAUD!

Also also we have An Open Letter From Some Guy:

Coaches READ THIS!

---

You have the talent on the team, and refuse to play them. I would have loved to have seen Berry eat that field up. He would have.
You all should be fired.

Winning a billion straight against Michigan doesn't have the same cachet it used to.

Elsewhere, you are encouraged to email the AD to "end this coaching bs," the team is called a "bunch of silly nannies," someone says it's a good thing they're not in the SEC because "we'd lose three games a year," the game is "an emasculating night," DeVier Posey is playing "like a complete sissy" in the same thread Pryor is "supposed the best player in college football, but he was a turd,"

Finally, all your talk radio are belong to killernut4:

I say it all the time, even when we win. COACHES NEED REPLACED!

MANDATORY SELF-ABASEMENT SECTION FOLLOWING SECTION ON DOMINANT MICHIGAN RIVAL: Michigan sucks forever and we are forever your footstools, Ohio State fans.

Big Twelve

Nothing really happened other than the Nebraska-freude above, but Kansas is terrible and Turner Gill has the audacity to go shopping afterwards:

Turner "P-Whipped" Gill sighting at

#1838273 - Sat Oct 16 2010 06:34 PM

Town Center dutifully shopping with his shrew wife on a Saturday afternoon.
"Yes, dear"....
According to my sources....was it Pottery Barn they were at? I think that's what my sources told me...
I could see Mangino shopping at Pottery Barn after a 59-7 loss.

I could see Mangino biting the heads off most of his wide receivers after a 59-7 loss. I hope to see him do this in the Big Ten, actually.

Pac-10

Cal went into the USC game expecting to kick the Trojans while they were down, then found themselves down 42 points at halftime. Liveblogs were cancelled, the fans instructed to "Go do something more productive with your life." Colbert was invoked:

Gallows humor was deployed:

It was the Sistine Chapel of facepalms, a game that will rank up there with "42-3" and the "Tom Holmoe era" in terms of absolute abominations.

"It was a magnificent performance. I didn't think we could make the USC pass defense look that good after the way every offense they faced managed to torch them. But we found a way." Jeff Tedford stated with no smiles. It was almost as if he was expressing grim satisfaction at the result. "I'm happy I was able to assist with a 4th and inches punt in the second half, but this was a total team effort."

"Sistine Chapel of facepalsm" is a phrase that Wins The Internet. Every FAIL picture on the internet featuring a bear was unearthed. The new king in town is Apathy, because This Team Isn't Worth  Your Time:

In some sort of twisted and pathetic way, I know why Tedford sounded so pleased he won the final two quarters 14-6, like some proud soccer mom who was happy his daughter's team scored. At that point, as a coach, as a player, as a fan, you search for every victory you can find. It's cringe-inducing, but it's the only positive reinforcement you can find from a game that had absolutely none. "Oh look, there's a penny on the ground! I feel less homeless than I was ten seconds ago!"

When Cal and/or Stanford end up in this column, the results are always epic.

SEC

South Carolina's wobbly but extant national championship hopes died at Kentucky when Randall Cobb got impossibly wide open on fourth down. This bit isn't funny; anyone who enjoys it is a hardened sadist or Clemson fan:

I feel hollowed out right now

by GwinnettGamecock on Oct 16, 2010 7:29 PM PDT

Yes, this is just sports.  The intellectual knowledge of it's place in the grand scheme of things doesn't make this loss hurt any less.  I know the sun will rise tomorrow, but I also know I will not enjoy it as much.  Many people will say I should not let a football game played by college guys affect me that much.  My grandmother, rest her soul, would probably call those people names on her way to church.

At least your late grandmother was awesome. Meanwhile, the indignity of getting stuck at a wedding (in the South) was heaped upon by someone who did enjoy that last bit:

Talk about hollow

I was at a wedding, following the game on my phone. As soon as we lost, my girlfriend and I sighed…and some friend of hers (I think a Georgia fan) goes "What happened?" and we told her they lost. And she goes "YAY!!!" and raises her arms in celebration. No worse feeling than your enemy rubbing salt in your freshest of wounds.

If she had been a he, probably would have created a scene. Instead I just walked over to the bar.

Good Lord. Where I come from the women are largely disinterested in football, and I think I like it that way now.

Elsewhere in the SEC, Florida lost to Mississippi State. At home. They scored seven points. The Bulldogs threw once in the second half. This is flabbergasting, complete failure. Alligator Army could have just written this headline and closed up shop:

Game 7: Steve Addazio Goddam

But they didn't:

In a game that should finally spare Steve Addazio from further asskickings from former Sun Belt Conference defensive coordinators, the Gators lost 10-7 to the Mississippi State Bulldogs. … Addazio, like Baghdad Bob announcing the Americans are not at the airport, has maintained that he is not bothered by the onslaught from Gators fans. But tonight, we finally saw the insecure man expose his hand. While UF was moving the ball in the fourth quarter, ESPN showed Meyer with his hands on his knees and probably fighting off nausea. Addazio, instead of worrying about the play, looked at Meyer, apparently looking for some sort of confirmation. This is not a man who is qualified to call plays in the SEC.

Orson's getting out his gun in French, and Fire Steve Addazio picks up were Fire Ron Zook left off:

via www.firesteveaddazio.com

That mustache is not helping his case.

Others

We dip into the lower sections of D-I for a shout-out to Ball State. The Cardinals managed something seemingly impossible: they lost to Eastern Michigan and their season-plus losing streak. It took overtime but it was Ball State that was fortunate to get there after being outgained 490-243(!).

Over the Pylon says the box score is "equal parts confusing and humiliating," and then brings out the big words:

I never thought I would be saying this again after 2008 and the magical undefeated season we witnessed, but there is nothing positive to take away from this game and nothing that I can point to as a life vest in this abysmal ea of failure and disappointment.

OTP, you are Scott Tenorman of the Week. Also you're not wrong.

Finally, we haven't had enough punctuation this week:

Why is the administration so idiotic??? ALUMNI WANT TO SUPPORT THE SCHOOL!!!! The admin. refuses to make the necesarry investment, then has the nerve to ask for donations in the middle of the game.

So, my question, for anybody who is as as fed up, as angry at the incompetence on ALL levels as I am is this: What can we do? And thats not just a rhetorical question….WHAT CAN WE DO??? Are we completely powerless???

Yes.

Next week: Oregon tries to avoid sudden No. 1 doom complex in a game that will either send Bruins or Ducks into a conniption fit, LSU or Auburn has its dreams crushed, Willingham references are on the docket as Washington heads to Arizona and Penn State tries to stave off the worst case scenario at Minnesota.