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This Week In Schadenfreude: Oklahoma State Jumps Off A Bridge

Dread octopus God Squinky's greatest masterpiece. The incoherent George O'Leary pining of Clemson fans. With the world in turmoil, Nebraska fans just want to see some coaching. Or executions. Either, really. Bob Stoops as a dog. Kansas fans are willing to hire anyone with a BMI in the obese range. And James Franklin should probably just rename himself U. Mad.

Oklahoma State: you're in the middle of the best season in school history, with one horrible speed bump between you and the national title game? What are you going to do?

Dealwithitweeden_medium

via soonerpsycho.com

Oh. You are going to prove the existence of Squinky once and for all. By losing to… wait, Iowa State? Good god. Time to throw yourself off a building.

I can't do this anymore. I love you Pokes and I love OSU but I can't do this anymore.

POKE CHOKE strikes again. Should've been an easy game. The life of an OSU fan is this. This right here.

I am so disgustingly depressed. And I can't even drink myself into oblivion. I'm underage.

Pretty sure that's the first time OSU has had the field rushed on them though.. So I suppose there's a silver lining

I feel like crying and vomiting. I am so disappointed in our D and in Weeden's leadership, which was nonexistent. Heisman candidate my ***.

This guy is one of about sixty Okie State candidates for Scott Tenorman of the Week:

I think an apology is necessary – from every single one of us. You said what I was thinking, face down on my bed with my wife saying "are you okay?" No. I was not okay. I was pissed. I was devastated. The season was all for nothing.

3 days later, we can all – you and me included – see past the loss, and see that the season is NOT all for nothing. Our goals of the Big 12 champ and beating OU are still alive – and somehow, so are our national championship goals. We still have a chance.

So with that being said, Cowboys, I am also sorry.

War Eagle? Anybody? No? The Tears of Unfathomable Sadness are yours, Oklahoma State. But at least someone thinks enough of you to offer them. Silver lining. That's the ticket.

The rest of the week in spleen:

ACC

A brutal week in the ACC as Clemson finally turned into Clemson again, Florida State burrowed into a hole in a loss to Virginia, and Miami… won… against USF. If you can call it that:

That nasty, foul, wretched stench you smell today is the lingering smell of bull dung that your Miami Hurricanes stepped in, no make that fell face first into, yesterday against the USF Bulls in Tampa.

The Hurricanes equipment staff may as well burn the uniforms from yesterday's stinker of a game because I've taken three showers and washed my clothes several times and I still can't get that awful smell off of my skin or out of any of the orange and green clothing I had on at the game.

It was 6-3. Iowa-Penn State 2004 thinks you are a boring, frustrating game. How Miami was No. 1 in FEI entering the game is a mystery.

Clemson is declared "Charmin Ultra" by Shakin' The Southland; Bowden is invoked because obviously. This is your NSFW game synopsis:

Tom O'Brien just exploded after being associated with "new school hippies." This makes no difference in his appearance. The game has had a larger impact on the part of Clemson fans' brains that deals with making a damn bit of sense:

yabba Dah-bo doo

Abraca dah-bo, the tigers are regressing.. a lil Dah-do won’t do ya. All horrible t-shirt quotes behind now, i can say that each and every coach/staff/player better line up and apologize for that brown wet steaming heater they plopped on the field up in raleigh. I went from anger to imbarrassed to laughing and now back to imbarrassed while watching that crap-fest. I’m out like a ball in bellamy’s grasp every game…

by btallon on Nov 19, 2011 4:45 PM PST via iPhone app reply actions

(sp?)

Actions are demanded. Like hiring George O'Leary

I would probably be arrested for murder if I was our HC. Somebody would die in practice this week.

by D'Arve21 on Nov 19, 2011 6:04 PM PST up reply actions

And owning some drywall:

My Heart can't take this

This was the Clemson that has been hiding all year. What a bunch of effortless pussies. Were the f---ing cheerleaders playing the offensive and defensive line. WTF!!!! Stop greasing the gloves before the games. Tahj check downs when you aren’t running for your life. And goddammmit tackle someone. I am sick but I am going to get really drunk and punch a wall.

by Boilingspringstiger on Nov 19, 2011 4:13 PM PST

This will either be forgotten in two weeks when Clemson is ACC champs or there will be ten thousand posts comparing Dabo Swinney to Terry Bowden.

Big East

Louisville has a 25-30% chance of making a BCS bowl. This awful league's autobid means there can be no schadenfreude derived from them. They are trolling us, not vice versa.

Big Ten

Nebraska went into the weekend two games away from a BCS bid. They left it wondering who covered their kick returners' hands in grease and if Bo Pelini's skull would fracture under the immense pressures placed upon it. Skulls across Nebraska suffered similar fates:

Call me Corso!---- (As I take my Nebraska hat off, through it across the room) Ahhh! F*ck It!!!!

Watching this game is like wiping your *** with a chainsaw

Yeah, if we just hold on for another 10-20 years we will be right into the thick of things again.

And… like… just don't say this about the president:

The reason that Mr. Martinez was has not been replaced is because the coaches " DID NOT EXECUTE ".  Maybe they need to EXECUTE or maybe Tom O and the NU Board need to EXECUTE.  Hard to say.  It may even be there needs to be an EXECUTION.

Or leave your house:

I make so much money every week ,  predicting Bo’s post game . We needto execute. GROSS and how can bo say we are happy with where we are at at this time with the PROGRAM. WE ARE NEBRASKA!!!!!! Our fan loyality is not reaping the benefits of paying for overinflated ticket prices.  First you pay your forced DONATION, then you buy tickets which take a third of your weeks wages, thats not including the price of WATER/POP/RUNZA/PIZZA,  which they stick in your face like its a steal .  I called ticket office to see how much t transfer dads seats which he had for 31 years and never missed.  There answer was these are our set horsef##king prices to transfer/screw ya and if you dont like it there is a ten year waiting list. Its hard to have anger issues agaist my beloved BIG RED,  but with the world in turmoil,  I JUST WANNA SEE A GAME WITH COACHING>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

I think that's Utter Lack of Perspective Of The Week, right there.

Big Twelve

Oklahoma got Griffin'd after Beleima-ing Baylor a final possession by calling TO when the opponent was playing for OT. Against Robert Griffin. The third. The guy who spent a big chunk of this season with more touchdowns than incompletions. This did not go well. There are no reasons why you would do this, but married men must try to answer:

Kids slept pretty much from Waco to DeSoto. Wife kept asking me, "Why did he call time out, again?" Woman, for the millionth time, no one knows. …

Another answer was: "He has a brain like a dog and forgets what happened in the past. Like a dog being tricked over and over again into being put outside with the fake ball throw, Stoops' forgot about his secondary being burned all night, and defaulted to timeout in that situation like a dog bolting through the door and looking for a ball that will never be there."

Here, Stoops! Here, boy! Get the ball! Get the ball!

This was already in the Alphabetical but must be replicated everywhere on the internet:

Header_meltdown2_medium

via cdn.landthieves.com

A "what did you do after the game thread" is always fertile territory:

I got on here and posted about firing the staff 108 times, then beat my dog for drinking water too fast.

I got yelled at by the wife at around 2:30 EST for not being in bed. Then I got the annual "this is why you shouldn't watch football" speech.

I tried to shoot myself but the bullet was somehow deflected & went right out the back door.

…where it cured a Baylor fan's cancer.

Here's something you had no idea about, person who does not follow the Big 12 and Texas:

For Texas fans, three things are inevitable in life -- death, taxes, and losing to Kansas State. Four if you want to count Aggies being annoying, but that's beside the point here.

The point here is that Kansas State owns Texas. Absolutely and unequivocally. Kansas State fans know it. Texas fans know it.

The numbers tell the story -- the Wildcats are the only team in the Big 12 to hold an all-time edge in victories of the Longhorns and one of only three teams overall.

During his tenure at Texas, Mack Brown is 2-5 against Kansas State, including two losses to Ron Prince.

Jebus, that was before Bill Snyder's sorcery saw the Wildcats eke out a 17-13 win against the Longhorns on 121 yards of offense. Texas fans are descending into U MAD mode:

If in the 14th year of your program at Texas....

you find yourself with true freshmen starting at LT, QB, RB and WR, just have the decency to quit, since apparently we can't fire you.

Every person in this thread calls the OP a dink, FWIW. In other complaints, Texas, Inc., comes in for bashing:

Whatcha guys bitching about? Taco bell agreed to a 5% increase in ad revenue for their 4th quarter gong, the brand is alive and strong. We rich, bitch.

At least you're not Kansas. This goes for everyone, even Minnesota. The natives are nostalgic for, you know, that one guy. Or anyone, really:

Any fat man. Just pick a fat man randomly off the street. He will be a better coach than Turner Gill.

A tepid response to the last ever Border War (at least in-conference) draws a Rant of the Week worthy of the Fat Man himself:

ARE YOU [censored] KIDDING ME!?!?!??!?! IT IS WHAT IS!?!??!?!??!? YOU STUPID [censored] DOUCHE OF A COACH!!!!!!! ITS [censored] MISSOURI!!!!! FOR THE LAST TIME!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!! MORON!!!!!! [censored] HAT!!!!! TAKE YOUR STOIC [censored] BULL [censored] AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!! EVERY KANSAS AND MISSOURI FAN WILL LOOK BACK ON THIS GAME FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES!!!!!! UNTIL THEY DIE, THEY WILL REMEMBER THIS GAME!!!!!! THIS IS NOT ANOTHER GAME!!!!!! THIS IS NOT AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRY AND GET BETTER!!!!!!! YOU WIN THIS [censored] GAME OR YOU DIE TRYING!!!!!!! THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE A [censored] SEASON AND WALK AWAY AS GODS!!!! YOUR STOIC PRAGAMATIC STANCE IS BASICALLY TAKING A [censored] ON EVERYTHING THAT KANSAS FANS HOLD DEAR!!!!! YOU BEAT MISSOURI AND IF YOU DON'T, WELL THAN [censored] YOU!!!!!!!

The most stunning thing about the Turner Gill era is not the losing by all of the points but the fact that Kansas fans seem really, truly livid about this. Good for them? I don't even know.

Pac-12

Oregon's comeback against USC was a breathtaking display of the Oregon offense at maximum throttle, but it was also the single dumbest clock management fiasco of the year. Chip Kelly ended up kicking a not-gimme field goal with two timeouts in his pocket. On Oregon's last play he centered the ball instead of trying to get more yards. It made me livid, and I don't care about Oregon. People who do are Emptying The Punctuation Cupboard

Clock management sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NT

…no, seriously

Why didn't they use some timeouts !!!!!!!!!!!!! Post Rating (2 votes)

Why da mn it !

…and just making, like, sense

We had just gone some 65 yds in 80 seconds and now we're going to let the clock run down on purpose to set up a fg attempt from a kicker who hits less than 50% of his attempts? You've got to be kidding me. What makes anyone think we wouldn't have won the game in regulation? Trust me, us having to go a paltry 20 yds in 48 seconds with 3 times outs left is no problem.

…and blaming Reggie Bush:

Lets blame Reggie Bush

Instead of just saying too many mistakes were made to overcome, lets just continue to pile on Reggie for something new. It would've been nice to have another crack at SC after this wake up call but since they're on probation (all because of Reggie) we won't get that shot. It wouldn't matter for BCS title but it would be more interesting that LSU/BAMA again.

SEC

The SEC took the week off, with most of the league playing I-AA teams like the Citadel, Samford, Georgia Southern, Ole Miss, and Kentucky. The one semi-real game of the week was Tennessee-Vanderbilt, which is fortunate because Vandy's James Franklin is quickly becoming the Bo Pelini of the south:

Franklin-hiestand-hinshaw_medium

via www.mrsec.com

That is one chest-bumpin', postgame-yellin' dude. Vandy fans are looking at a 5-6 season that could have been much better and focusing their rage on things other than Franklin, both because he's seemingly the best coach they've had in forever and he will destroy you. 

Like the universe:

WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS

Anyway, after the running into the kicker call, I think we all knew this was coming.

by KC Commodore on Nov 19, 2011 7:49 PM PST

And the kickers:

Field Goal

I am so disgusted with our field goal kickers that I could scream. I just hope that they are not on scholarship because they are not deserving.

How many games have we lost because of them!

by vujoe on Nov 19, 2011 10:03 PM PST reply actions

And the refs (in an extremely boring faux dissertation):

The integrity of a referee

We all know that there are human elements of the game, of which, referees are one. In baseball, every ump has a different strike zone. In basketball, every ref has a different level of physicality that they are willing to tolerate before making a call. In football, it is the subjectivity of the referees as to when they see a foul and when they blow their whistle.

We all know that with the human element comes mistakes. But we are willing to live with those mistakes thinking, that in the end, everything will come out even.

However, the last call of the game last night was an illustration of why SEC officiating is so bad. [zzzzzzzzz]

by OldDore on Nov 20, 2011 6:04 AM PST

It is bad because they get things wrong. Thanks, bubble pipe professor.