You may remember that Mike Haywood was briefly the Pittsburgh head football coach last year before a domestic violence charge ended his tenure before he coached a down. You might think you would just move forward and attempt to get on with your life after this, but you're not named Mike Haywood. He'd like everyone to remember that whole thing in requesting an investigation of his dismissal, which according to Haywood's attorneys would not have happened with a simple investigation of the facts of the case.
Haywood may have the charges dismissed if he completes 60 hours of community service and submits to a psychological evaluation, and this would go a long way towards clearing his name in the criminal sphere. In the professional sphere, however, this is reminding everyone about that time you were arrested for domestic violence, but really just grabbed a woman during an argument, who then happened to fall and hurt herself, according to the coach. Doesn't that sound so much better than just moving on with your life, especially when you pair it with a budding and completely improbable conspiracy theory about why you were fired? We hope Haywood is paying his lawyers in buttons and pocket lint, because it sounds like that is what they deserve.