So here are the bare essentials of what you need to know about Yahoo's extraordinary expose on Miami booster Nevin Shapiro's relationship with the Hurricanes' foootball program, and the vast array of prohibited benefits the convicted felon and Ponzi schemer provided to players from 2002 to 2010.
Hookers. Check. Loads of them, provided for players at the Mercury hotel from 2002 to 2003, and later offered more discreetly by appointment on Nevin Shapiro's yacht. Don't worry, though: he didn't sleep with any of them. (Ponzi scheme, yes; prostitution, no.)
Cash money. Loads of it, offered to football and basketball players at Shapiro's residence by the booster himself. Shapiro organized competitions with players to funnel money to winners, and also offered bounties for big hits and taking quarterbacks out of games. Both Tim Tebow and Chris Rix were targets of Shapiro bounties.
Funneling players to agents. Shapiro pointed at least two players towards an agent and business partner, current UFL commissioner Michael Huyghue. These players were first round NFL pick Vince Wilfork and Jon Beason.
Gifts. Shapiro provided suits, watches, plane tickets, meals, televisions for players. One particularly interesting purchase: Devin Hester's engagement ring.
Yacht/Mansion access. Players had access to both of Shapiro's luxury homes in Miami and his $1.2 million yacht, and often used both for lavish parties funded by Shapiro.
Strip clubs. Shapiro often paid for all expenses at strip club visits with players, and did so frequently. He even paid for the abortion of one player after he impregnated a stripper.
Coaches' knowledge of benefits. Shapiro named the following coaches as having full knowledge of his rulebreaking or participated directly in it: Clint Hurtt, Jeff Stoutland and Aubrey Hill on the football staff, and Frank Haith, Jake Morton and Jorge Fernandez on the basketball staff.
In summary: if half of this is true, Miami is in a state of trouble unseen since the SMU scandal.