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Virginia Tech Player Calls For Fewer Bowl Game Gifts

The college bowl system is outdated and corrupt. You realize this, and I realize this, but nothing's going to change until old people also realize this. Old people like bowl games.

You know what else old people like, maybe even more than bowl games? Cautionary tales.

So watch as clean-cut Virginia Tech Hokies long snapper Collin Carroll writes about the dangers of turning scores of young men loose in New Orleans with money in their pockets (and if anybody knows Sugar Bowl temptations, it's a Virginia Tech special teamer):

For the seven days we spend in New Orleans, we received a per diem check totaling $450.71. That equates to $64.39 in daily spending cash, when we already receive roughly two meals and two snacks from the team per day. The Sugar Bowl committee also brought us to a bowling alley, New Orleans' finest steakhouse and a Mardi Gras float parade that included a visit from the Saints' cheerleaders. What on Earth could we possibly need all this money for?

Here's the scary part: I can think of a few options.

HEROIN, HOOKERS, SCHOOL BUS FLIES OFF CLIFF

It would be fine it bowls like the Rose retained their important postseason standings despite the construction of a legit championship tournament.

But the next time the bowl guilds talk up the essential student-athlete's bowl week experience, be sure to point out that, every holiday season, long snappers are being turned into drug zombies and left behind to roam hotel lobbies, all in the name of bowl game tradition. Think of the long snappers, America.