This is your potty break, college football television audience. At the moment the landscape of Saturday afternoon is littered with merciless blowouts in the Top 25 and beyond:
No. 1 Alabama has a casual (SORRY, COACH SABAN) lead over Arkansas, 38-0.
No. 4 Oregon is dismantling Tennessee Tech, 63-14.
No. 9 West Virginia is only up 28-0 against James Madison because DC is an educated single man's town, y'all #Holgo.
No. 11 Clemson is the Un-Clemson against in-state Bible college Furman 41-7.
No. 17 Michigan is giving a cold, spiteful FBS welcome to UMass, up 49-13
No. 19 Louisville is beating North Carolina 36-14, which is a common Big 10 basketball final score.
Also in on the fun: Georgia Tech over Virginia 42-7 (#GROHmanity), Texas A&M up on SMU 20-0 (that's only like... three Dead Hookers of effort, y'all), Washington leads Portland State 45-0 in the Flannel & Vinyl Trust Fund Income Classic and Penn State is on track to win a football game in 2012, as they are currently in the lead over Navy 27-0 with nary a Tom Rinaldi in sight.
BREAKING NEWS: Northwestern leads Boston College 12-10. You'd kill a hobo to watch this in April, but right now it's OK to make a beer run. We won't tell anyone.
Check the national college football scoreboard right here, and look through SB Nation's many excellent college football blogs to find your team's community.