Arian Foster unveils his Glamour Shots

Photographer: Okay, Arian, for this first picture, we're going to want to really display your personality and raw confidence.

Arian Foster: Yeah, sure. Sounds good.

Photographer: Now, if you could just sort of lean forward, but put your head back a little. Great. Now turn to the side.

Foster: Question.

Photographer: Shoot.

Foster: Ha ha , good one.

Photographer: Just a little photographer humor, sorry. Go right ahead.

Foster: Why am I wearing a football uniform?

Photographer: Well, you're a football player. I figure that's just what you wear all the time.

Foster: When you're right, you're right! So just lean at an angle, then?

Photographer: Yep, that's good. Now is there any way that you could look sleepy, but also surprised at the same time?

Foster: Uh.

Photographer: No, wait. I've got it. Okay: you ask your friend if he wants to play Madden with you on the PS3, but he instead suggests that you watch him play James Pond on an old Sega Genesis, because he really wants to play it but it only has a single-player function. Make the face you'd make if that happened.

Photographer: Perfect.

Foster: That was an oddly specific request, but I felt good about it.

Photographer: Okay, now stand up. Move over here in front of this art-deco sculpture of a human butt. Good. Good. Now hold this football and turn to the side.

Foster: You want me to hold it like I'd hold it in a football game?

Photographer: Oh, god no. That wouldn't be fun at all. Here, hold it like you're trying to carry a 2-liter bottle of soda, but you also have a full bag of groceries and are trying to get your keys out of your pocket with your other hand.

Foster: Got it.

Photographer: Okay now with your keys-hand, hold it slightly to the side and in front of you, the way that no human does when at rest. Outstanding.

Foster: Hey, my crotch doesn't look weird, does it?

Photographer: Nah. Okay, now give me a look like you're 14 years old and your mom thinks there might be some Bagel Bites left, but you're trying not to get too excited about the prospect.

Photographer: You're a natural!

Foster: Yeah I'm feeling pretty good about this.

Photographer: All right, now get on this stool and just kind of slouch.

Foster: That's it?

Photographer: You can give me a completely disinterested half-smile if you want.

Foster: 'Kay.

Photographer: Great. Thanks, Mr. Foster. We'll have your prints ready for you in a few days.

Foster: Sweet. Hey, do you know if the Sbarro is still open?