These strong takes are presented for your entertainment. They are PARODY. All spelling errors are intentional (we think).
Road Grader Of The Week: Andrew Luck
Remember back when we use to all debate who the best pick of the draft was in Luck, RG-Me, and Russell Won'tson? Well Griffin and Wilson have officialy entered Sam Bowie and Darko territory folks. When Luck drops back to pass hes always what I call "a triple threat" type guy who can do it with his arms, his legs or his brain- people forget that as the crow flys hes faster then Gatorade Griffin because Luck gets downhill instead of running to the sidelines so he can highfive all his teammates and Subway handlers on his way to the EndZone.
And on Week 5 Sunday, Andrew Luck absolutely domenated Wilson out there. Wilson's not use to getting it stuck to him so hard without having to tie off first,, if it werent for Pagano Id have the Colts as my pick to win it all come January but you just never know what kind of lookie lookie stunt Pagano might pull and cause a distraction.
Andrew Lucks the ultimate first-in last-out Road Grader, and this awards just a nother in a series for a guy who has more buildings on the Stanford campus named after him then anyone except when you count the Student Clinic, Sex Addiction Roman-Bath, and Penecilian Nursery all named after Tiger Woods folks.
Fan Of The Week: These Guys In The Black Hole
What a strong taek. Its funny because she was never alive. So long as there making fun of things that never existed in San Diego they should put up signs that say RIP Seasons and RIP Girls Who Will Sleep With Us
The Danny "Newsboy" Woodhead Lunchpail Fella Of The Week: Jerry Jones
I decided to named this award after Danny Woodhead on account of I could pretty much give it to him each time. The funny thing is Woodhead is such a team-player that hed be fine with giving the award to someone else just to be fair, so this week Im giving it to a man who DEFINES Southern Hospitality: Jerry Jones.
Every year Jerry creates at least 53 new jobs in todays economy and most years 54 when you count his head coach. Ol Jerry pretty much won over all his detracters on Sunday by standing by his QB after a hardfought choke. Always the gracious host, Jerry went up to the rafters and opened up the roof on Cowboys Stadium either to make the Broncos feel at home outdoors or maybe just so Demarius Thomas coudnt hotbox the place. Either way Jerrys a man of the people if their ever was one and he proved yet again that folks will always respect a man for bringing his lunch to work even if your son-and-law packs it for you.
Announcer Of The Week: Marv Albert
During a week where no announcers called a player Gay or accidentally instagrammed a picture of them snorting lines of blow of a Heinz field hand-dryer with Paulina Gretzky, you almost have to hand this to old Marv. Hes been calling games for CBS for over a year now and hasnt once tried to sodomize Phil Simms before halftime. Then again Marvs career is basically one big come-back story. no offence.
Show-Off Of The Week: Tom Brady
Ive got a BIG problem with the way Tom handeled his lost to the Bengals this week. In the first place he didnt even throw for a TD even though he had almost the best recieving corpse in the league with Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola, and Austin Collie. B: After the game was over he went and may have GOT A HAIRCUT BEFORE ANSWERING TO THE MEDIA (technically his bosses). You be the judge:
I never thought Id say this but after a performance like that from Tom you almost wish Michael Irvin were in that lockeroom when Brady sat down in the barber chair folks.