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The Texans introduce ridiculous new themes for every home game

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The Texans are having homecoming this year and a bunch of other corporate sponsorship vehicles to liven up home games.

Thomas B. Shea

The Houston Texans have been figuring things out since joining the NFL in 1999. In 2007, the Texans figured out that David Carr was not a franchise quarterback, and replaced him with Matt Schaub. In 2011, they determined that playing defense was important, and they hired Wade Phillips and drafted J.J. Watt. For 2013, the marketing department is bringing something to the table for 2013: themes.

Each of the Texans 10 homes games -- eight for the regular season and two full-priced preseason affairs -- will have its own unique theme for fans who need something more than just football to entice them to a football game.

The themes:

Sat., Aug. 17 Miami Dolphins - Texans Care
Sun., Aug. 25 New Orleans Saints - State of Football presented by Verizon

Typical of preseason games, you wouldn't really expect the themes to be very interesting.

Sun., Sept. 15 Tennessee Titans - Liberty White Out presented by BHP Billiton
Sun., Sept. 29 Seattle Seahawks - Hispanic Heritage Day presented by XFINITY

White out week followed by Hispanic Heritage Day? Hmmm.

Sun., Oct. 13 St. Louis Rams - Pink Ribbon Day presented by Kroger
Sun., Nov. 3 Indianapolis Colts - Battle Red Day presented by Halliburton
Sun., Nov. 17 Oakland Raiders - Salute to Service presented by Bud Light

Wait a minute, two of those "themes" are built around campaigns the NFL does anyway, breast cancer awareness and Veterans Day.

Sun., Nov. 24 Jacksonville Jaguars - Deep Steel Sunday presented by Hyundai

I like to think of this one as "Innuendo Week." Also worth noting, Jags owner Shad Khan makes the bumpers for Hyundai ... he's probably moving the team to South Korea at some point too.

Sun., Dec. 1 New England Patriots - Homecoming
Sun., Dec. 22 Denver Broncos - Fan Appreciation Day presented by FS Southwest

Ok, so it's less about themes and more about sponsorship vehicles. Except for Week 13. That's Homecoming Week, which is appropriate for the team that reintroduced letter jackets for its players. We can only assume they'll also be honoring the city's past high school graduates, or at least everyone from the Class of '99 onward.

And it's homecoming supposed to feature some patsy opponent? Houston is 1-3 against the Patriots, but, man, if there were ever a year for a breakthrough ...

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Photo: Maurkice Pouncey wears "Free Hernandez" hat