A Cleveland Browns fan made a dying wish to his team: send representatives to be pallbearers so that the Browns could let him down one last time.
The Browns, cautiously embracing public relations after years of hunkering down, granted his request, sort of. The team will send someone to the funeral to present a jersey. Not exactly what he asked for, but a nice gesture at any rate.
It got us thinking about weighty issues, death and how we'd like to be sent into the great beyond by professional sports teams. Our dying wishes:
Burrito Bros. Shits
I'd ask the Mets to cook me into a soufflé so I can experience another collapse. /rimshot
I would like to be buried facing east so Auburn can kiss my ass with each new sunrise.
Ryan Van Bibber
I would like for the St. Louis Rams to host my funeral and a lavish wake in whatever new stadium they get ... at taxpayer expense.
I would ask the Indians to finally change their name to the Spiders or at least do so for 1/32 of the games out of respect for my 1/32 Native American heritage. Also, I would like the Browns to be moved to London.
Bobby Big Wheel
I want Steve Austin to give my corpse a stone cold stunner before placing it in the casket.
After going into the ground, I, like the Atlanta Falcons, would prefer to #riseup (but will come just a few yards short of doing so).
Celebrity Hot Tub
Please have my body cremated and instruct Denard Robinson to scatter my ashes across the five oceans, with the hope that he will at least go 2/5 with an interception by Chile.
A crew of Iowa running backs as pallbearers. Because if I'm going down, I'm taking some ACLs with me.
I would like to be cremated in a pyre that consumes the city of Pittsburgh and every Steelers jersey on the planet.
When i die i want Roger Goodell or NFL security to give me a old fashion 16 game suspension by holding my dead body up with a pully system facing the redzone channel for 1 last full season
Remember folks, it's never too soon to reach out to an estate planning professional to arrange what jersey, or shirtsey, you'd like draped over your corpse.
What could your team do to brighten up your exit from this world?