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Welcome back Jim Irsay!

The Indianapolis Colts owner's 6 week suspension is finally over

Rob Carr

We're required to remind you that these strong takes are PARODY. Sorry, not sorry. All spelling errors are intentional, we think. -Ed.

The NFL has dealt with its share of bad news over the past several weeks. Among them, Ray Rice being dishonest to the commissioner, Adrian Peterson admitting to smoking weed, and Abdullah praying to a different God then I would pray to if I ever prayed. Finally we have some good news in the troubled NFL once again to report- thats right Colts owner Jim Irsays self-imposed suspension is over as of noon easter standard time. (Technically the suspension was self-imposed because Irsay never appealed it.)

Last nights matchup between Ryan Fitzpatrick and Andrew Luck was a battle of two quarterbacks from the Harvard of the West and the Standford of the East, and it couldnt of been a better welcome back present for Jim Irsay, the guy who puts the "I.V." back in Ivy League.

Irsay has been serving a 6 week suspenson for parking his car in a median at like 4 in the morning strapped with a duffel bag of cash and a pocket full of poppy pills. He wasnt aloud to have any contact with his team in the time since, which explanes why the Colts havent traded 3 first round draft picks for Darren McFadden yet. Despite Irsay not being involved in any team matters the Colts have managed to take first place in the AFC South without there beerless leader. You have to admit its wonderful that the Colts went exactly 4-2-0 in a touching tribute to their owner, a gesture that is not lost on Irsay.

Most importantly, Jim is now free to be on twitter once again so he can get housed and give away tickets to football games and Jethro Tull concerts. Hes like if you handed the Greaseman a NFL team and a iphone and expected things to run smoothly. Hopefully Jims used this time of to learn how to limit himself to 140 proof, not characters,, I mean Jim doesnt have a facebook account hes got a Shitfacedbook account folks!

The Colts have alot of experience in dealing with adversity, weather its going one season without Peyton Manning or Andrew Luck as there qb, or having a coach come back from the IR to steal his team away from Bruce Arians and lose a playoff game. But now theyve conquered the biggest test of all: winning games without their owner and spirit animal.

Jim Irsays long swervy road back into the good gracious of the NFL ranks him right up there alongside Ben Roethlisberger and Riley Cooper as some of the most heartwarming tales of redemption to hit the NFL in recent history. But now that hes back, the only 12 step process that Jim needs to worry about is the dozen games the Colts have standing in there way of making it all the way back to the Superbowl, and truly completing Irsays rags to riches story.