It's important to remember that football's just a game. Also a game? Scrabble. This week, Absurd Power Rankings gives you every NFL franchise based on how many points their name is worth in America's favorite tile-based board game. (Sorry, Rummikub).
1. Jacksonville Jaguars. A whopping 43 points in Scrabble, easily the best and most valuable team in the NFL. If anything, this makes the win over Cleveland disappointing for not being more of a blowout.
2. San Francisco 49ers. 36 points, good enough for second place and front-runner position to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, where they will lose to the Jaguars.
5(tie). Philadelphia Eagles/Washington Redacteds. 30 points, but before you get mad at me, Washington fans, please note that your unredacted team name would still be worth the same amount. See, nobody's trying to punish you.
7. Green Bay Packers. 29 points, but maybe you can start a petition to add three more Y's to the city's name.
13(tie). Seattle Seahawks/New England Patriots. Makes sense that the two most mediocre franchises in the league would be worth 25 points. (THAT'S A JOKE.) (DON'T LEAVE ANGRY COMMENTS ABOUT IT.) (DAMMIT YOU ALREADY DID DIDN'T YOU.)
15(tie). San Diego Chargers/New York Giants/Dallas Cowboys/Cincinnati Bengals. 24 points in Scrabble, which happens to be Eli's 4th favorite board game. The top three, in order: Hungry Hungry Hippos, Mouse Trap, Clue Jr.
26. Denver Broncos. 21 points, probably won't make the playoffs.
27. Oakland Raiders. 20 points, certainly won't make the playoffs.
28(tie). Atlanta Falcons/New Orleans Saints. Only get you 19 points in Scrabble, though I suspect a Scrabble game between a Falcons fan and a Saints fan ends with a bottle getting smashed over someone's head before every tile is used.
30. Tennessee Titans. 15 points, though it's worth noting that "Charlie Whitehurst" is worth a whopping 31.